I ponder why everyone talks,
obsesses,
over the loopiest
(sometimes half-decent) of things,
while I see it all
and nothing.
My reflection begs for voice
but without it,
I am anything but full-fledged
or in the center.
When I go first, about what to think,
more follow
and I am insignificant in a huge crowd that I want to leave
but can’t sacrifice myself.
Is it because I never talk,
telling people what’s going on?
Or jut over-fluffed skill?
Two?
Was that the best I could do?
While everyone else is clapped,
I stand by, waiting,
clutching my script.
When there’s a recession of words,
like right now,
I hold on to my very letters,
hoping that squiggles themselves will come to me.
But they don’t.
It all just boils down to that and left forever.
Nothing.
Even when I cut the onions, question myself, and write
craziness,
nothing stands,
and I’m left with two stinking piles of nothing that goes invisible the
moment it’s seen.
They say that I can’t obsess over my problems
and that they’re ‘sorry’.
But it doesn’t matter anymore.
Just leave me.
So go,
really doesn’t matter.
Existence in itself don’t care.
All that matters,
apparently,
are the ones that only ‘matter’ have been there
and always will be.
The message taunts me as this meaning gets farther and farther away from its source,
I can’t hold my smile or wave to the imaginary crowd.
All because something that doesn’t matter destroyed.
Is this really the place I need to be?
Or is it all just
one
big stage?
(Sigh)
There’s no hope for myself. I’m just here.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hello Holographic,
This piece is just beautiful. The use of the imagery and wide spread diction placed intricately really creates a flow without unnecessary repetition, which as a reader I truly enjoy. An example I truly love is " When there’s a recession of words, like right now, I hold on to my very letters, hoping that squiggles themselves will come to me." As the progression of the piece continues, an intense build up grows nicely into the last stanza, started with the two questions. This was a perfect way to conclude a piece; left me contemplating such questions first before I was able to write this review, and I loved that it left me thinking. The only criticism I have to give is perhaps try to chop down the length a bit because as a poet, words are a limited resource and a new element you can incorporate is saying the most with the least. Thoroughly I enjoyed this piece, and hope to read more! Thanks for sharing
-Cheaper
Thanks for the positive feedback! The poem was originally three or four stanzas shorter, but it didn't work as well then so I had to expand it. Thanks again!
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."
-Shakespeare
Hello, Ruro here for a review! This poem totally reminded me of Shakespeare's quote there, so I had to bring it to your attention XD
Wow, what a long thing we had here!
This was very interesting and relate-able on a few different notes.
But let's jump into the review, eh?
This was a /very/ interesting read, and I have to say I was hooked right away, kudos to you for that. An another note, it is very long, and while I enjoyed the poem in length, it could scare people away (but those people, meh...).
Overall, I don't see any errors in this piece. It flows nicely, no real hiccups that I caught, no real spelling errors that I saw, so you seem to be right on the money my friend! Then again, I have been known to miss the completely obvious so ahahah T.T
One thing that does bother me is your punctuation. Most stanzas have periods at the end and two of them don't. That really bugs me because everything is crisp besides that.
Those two lines are:
and
And that's really the only thing that bothered me XD
I thought this piece also conveyed some pretty powerful emotion, so kudos there! I really enjoyed this piece as a whole!
And this one must be wandering now!
~Ruro~
Thanks for the review! I'll get right to those punctuation slips.