Feather Dragon,
why the feathers?
So glossy and gold,
more beautiful than any bird
.
Like a plume of smoke you rise,
you’re free!
You carry the wind on you wings
you air-dancer
graceful and brilliant,
as your ca-caw echoes throughout the skies,
I wonder
if you’ll ever come closer,
be my friend,
side-by-side
.
Bursting through a cloud,
you erupt into crimson flames,
like a phoenix.
Is that what you are?
The plumed body and
bat-like wings?
What exactly are you?
What are you hiding?
.
Feather Dragon,
you chase the darkness away.
But as you plummet from the skies,
I realize
that the darkness has started chasing you.
.
Oh, feather dragon….
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140,372 Literary Works • 673,125 Reviews
Hello.
I haven't read the other reviews before me, so pardon me if I repeat anything. You have a nice thought here of a feather dragon (which to me, seems to be a parrot). Imagery is nice throughout this poem. The narrator seems to want the feather dragon to come down and greet her, becoming her friend. I liked his poem as I always wanted a dragon to greet me, might never happen but that isn't the point.
In some cases, ellipsis are used to continue a thought/go off into a thought. You seem to have too many of these and it seems to just be a long pause, or suspense, as what might happen. If you want to continue this poem, remove some of those ellipsis.
You seem to only one use of the verb, and sometimes that can get boring. Try spicing it up with some different verbs for flying and whatnot, since it will make the poem more fun and colorful.
I like this poem, and you should work on this. There are some parts that you can read aloud and figure it out.
Blaspherica
Hi HolographicLadybug, Felistia here with a review.
I really love this poem and the subject, but I think that was a bit predictable being me.
For some reason I think of the dragon being in a rainforest. Anyway I really like this poem. The ending is my favourite.
The subject you chose and the way you wrote the poem is really enjoyable to read and I kind of wish that the poem was a little longer and explained where the Feather Dragon lived.
I don't really have any problems with the poem or how you wrote and I look forward to more of your poems. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Thanks! The original version was a lot longer.... And practically made no sense. But I'm happy that you like it.
Hi!
Fantastic work here! It is beautifully written. You use great description, and I love the topic you chose! Anyway, time for the, somewhat short, review!
I feel like "burst" is repeating too much. Try using a different, more 'colorful' word/synonym in place of the first/second "burst(ing)". Examples: "Erupting through a cloud, you burst..."
I know that you want to trail off here, but I think you have one too many ellipses (
is that what they're called...?) Just limit it down a bit - "Oh, feather dragon....."Other than that, this is really good! You have amazing imagery, and I could almost see the dragon flying through the air...
~Snazz Pizzazz
Thanks! I'll fix it right away.