chains…..
they dragged…..
hooked on since the tears of losing went down my face
why do they all get to go?
She tried
to help me
but the tears kept coming
straight from the water
the smell of the washing machine has since left my skin
after i left the liars
who had once shown me
the quick water
it all disappeared as soon as
they went to the clouds
and stole my stars,
leaving me nothing other than
an empty moon.
and tears
from the puddle ran down my face
i left my six-year old self’s master
for nothing but a ribbon and some foil.
but i do not regret it because they left me with
rain on my face.
that filled up my glasses
in the fuzzy markers that i could not see
the written showed me the way,
along the cracked beige tiles
and those red plastic ropes
but then i left it
as sadness started to find my face.
their faces were happy,
but i was carrying rocks underneath my feet,
three aces and a two of clubs
i could not feel their bond
and more miserable cries and droplets fell,
tearing at my pages
they shone
four gold one silver five metal
but the collapsed me who had been suffering from the saltwater
so i tore them off the wall.
i hope i’ll never have to see them shine again.
i helped delete their paycheck
was it my fault that i was still on the island
no,
because all of their stars shone
under the blackness
but i was right about them.
but she lied to me
about never being there.
and what flu for me
was why i was gone
there were tears….
everynight…..
as i waited out the hour and a half
but a break would never come,
even as i was stuck under the red, that soon turned scarlet,
on east coast cost me the darker
and threw me from the line
as tears welled on my face for it to stop
even as the champion called for me, and i was kidnapped about,
no matter how many i lapped in pre,
no matter how many lords i lost,
no matter how many math problems i do mediocre,
no matter how many times i circled the loop that kept me in place,
no matter how many times i wanted tokindlypunch the staff,
no matter how much i want to drown the blankets in saltwater as I write this,
i still lost it all.
and i won’t go back.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,312 Literary Works • 674,341 Reviews
Hi!!
.
This was a really unique piece, and it was refreshing to read! I'm assuming that leaving out punctuation and capitalization is a purposeful move on your part, so I won't comment on that. I really like how creative you got with the placement of the lines in this poem, but it took me a while to start the poem because I didn't know where to start or what the first was suppose to be saying. I suggest maybe starting the zig zag lines in stanza two and not right off the bat, but it's all your choice this is your poem
I love how creative you were with this, yes I've already said that, but now I am commenting on the font of your text and striking out words and leaving them there. This piece really stands out, bravo!
~Tiffany
Thank you!
Oh, this is gorgeous. Had to get that out of the way before I said anything else. Even hi. And, now that I'm here, hi HolographicLadybug (who has an awesome username).
First of all, there are no grammar or spelling issues.
Let's look at your themes!
There's a clear theme of abandonment here, and of always getting the last choice. This is a hard poem to puzzle out, though, I must say. It could be the length or just the many ideas you have here. Maybe even the format of lines. But I'm still thinking about the meaning, so you've certainly left an impression.
I like your choice to capitalize none of the poem. It's always a powerful yet subtle choice, and it somehow leaves more of an impact on the reader.
I really can't find much wrong with this. Nice job! Take a virtual cookie, you deserve it.
Thanks for the cookie and review! (Starts to eat cookie)