Slap

Hello. This is Abhipsa, just stopping by for a review.

Your poem is unlike anything I've read, that is, if I can call it a poem. You have nicely described the game and indirectly the feelings of the players.

Apart form the fact that you have written a poem on a card game, which is no doubt amazing, what is more amazing is the fact that you got so much interested in a card game that you wrote a poem about it!

But again I want to tell you that your poem or whatever it is, lacks some details. It would have been a whole lot more enjoyable if you could have mentioned what game it is and could have made a kind of story with the game. What I mean is you could have framed the game in with something like the description of some other players, some mystery perhaps and how the game ends and the significance of the end. That's all up to you.
Perhaps I am not able to express myself so well, but I just want it to be more like a fantasy poem.

Anyway, it's only my wish. You don't need to be too serious about it.
What is more important is that you have written in your own style, which is great.

So keep writing.

Oh...my...Gooooood! What a chant! Well, at least I thought it read like a chant, if not a rap. Am I not entertained?! I am very entertained. When did card games become so intense that at least one of the players burst into poetry? Now I want to get out my deck of cards and rearrange this to fit a game of spoons. Ever played spoons? Very violent, but very fun.

I am very angry with you. Yes, thoroughly pissed! I am having trouble finding out what to offer in terms of constructive criticism. Maybe I will say that since this feels like a chant, there should be more rhyming words? Also, I liked how you constructed the first half. 1,2,3,4,5....1,2,3,4....1,2,3....and so on, that was clever and I felt it added an exciting mental rhythm to this. However, after that first half, I felt that rhythm was lost for a while. Not that there was no rhythm, just it felt inconsistent with the first half. It's okay not to have the same rhythm or pattern through the coarse of a song or poem, but I will advise that you make the transition less abrupt. Try to move from one to the other in a way that almost makes readers not even realize it was there to begin with, if you know what I mean. Like to the point that they have to read it twice before they realize it was there.

Just a suggestion.

Have a good night!

Wanna play some cards? Though I am not a gambler. I hope that doesn't make it less exciting.