So you want a revolution?
To overthrow someone?
Make things just?
You think it’s better your way?
Is it? Is it?
.
You’ll influence others to join you saying,
“That’s not how we should be treated!”
“Let the people lead!”
“Down with the rich!”
You’ll make promises that you’re determined to keep
But is that really the best thing?
.
When you get your way, everyone’s happy.
You’ve fought for what’s right
and have taken down the bad guys.
Things should get better,
right?
.
But before everyone’s eyes,
you change.
The insignificant speck that had become the bright sun after a long night
becomes a monster with inky black scales
and stinky breath.
You do what you promised not to,
you become the monster that you kicked out.
Everyone starts to realize that something’s wrong
They’ve made a mistake.
Too late
there’s a storm coming.
.
Everything’s back to the way it was.
But then someone asks,
“So you want a revolution?”
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140,367 Literary Works • 673,125 Reviews
Hello Bug,
Nire is here for a quick review!
Let me say first that, I loved it. The concept you've chosen, it can be perceived in many ways. Like, I'm a person rather interested about world-issues and world-politics, so, I did perceive it that way. Like, it was a political leader who made all those promises just to win his election (Or something of that sort) and he makes countless promises.. But, when the time comes and he's finally the winner, ironically he becomes the sucker ~That's just how I felt about your poem. Not necessarily you had the same picture in mind.
Even though I liked your structuring and everything, I happen to have few suggestions for you. Kindly take a look.
In the first stanza, this repetition was awesome. You could use similar repetition in the end of every stanzas.
Rewriting: "You influence others to join WHAT you saying" (Your battle sounds good too)
Italicize these lines. ^^ These are spoken words, right?
Yes, one line is the longest but I believe it's better that way. I really appreciate the whole thing, thanks for writing this. Have a great day!
Hey. SummerSunshine here. So I love this poem. It reminds me of a novel I read called "The Palace of Stone" in the Princess Academy series by Shannon Hale, just a little different. I feel that revolution is good, but can fail. And sometimes at the end it's hard for a nation to get back on their feet. I cannot find any mistakes with this. You, my friend, are an amazing writer.
P.S: Thanks for the review.
P.P.S: If I earn enough points the first letter may go up soon.
Hi again! Thanks so much for the compliment! You've made my day!
I am now posting the first letter. So, please review.
It's up. Read, my friend, read.
Read and reviewed.