~*~
My milk is in my glass;
Sloshing, its torrent enveloppes me;
The glass is very clear;
A form, an angel, a white shadow;
A milky texture in its vial;
Glowing of pure light;
As it slides glossily down my throat;
The milk spreads its wings and flies;
I am no longer thirsty.
Heaven's guardian.
~*~
Drifting, falling to the ground;
Dancing, spinning pirouettes;
This leaf is tumbling;
A leaf from a spell;
One at a time touches the earth;
They run to join their kin for a blissful dance of celebration;
Feeding the trees to start the cycle again.
Casting their enchantments of life.
~*~
Manmade object of many lights;
A bard with tales to tell;
Moving pictures from a camera;
Flashing, partying lights;
Reruns can be annoying.
The elves are there.....
~*~
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139,463 Literary Works • 672,569 Reviews
Hello there! This is ILoveBooks for a review in Review Day. So I just wanna review things about your incredible poem.
You are amazing like I said earlier.
Happy Review Day by the way! It so nice to be back and review one great poem again. I miss this feeling.
Anyway....
This is just wow. Just wow. It was incredible and I don't even know what to say beside Good Job on writing this thing. You got magic there, sweetie. It was amazing that it give me emotions and those words just goes through my heart.
The title was great. And it got my curiosity. I was like wondering earlier, What could this poem all about. And when I click it. I never actually regret clicking this!
Okay I get the part where this is all about reality. I get it. And it was in fact great and amazing. Not much people are doing this kind of poem that connected to reality. And gladly I finally found one, bravo for that!
The beginning already caught my attention so I didn't stop reading it until the end. It was just giving me emotions that I haven't felt in years. This is actually a bitter sweet one. And I like it.
The flow of the poem is great. You might not rhyme it but it was already great and it express good things. Your choice of words are also great that express a lot of mixed feelings for everyone who is currently reading this one. I also like your format by the way.
Your choice of words are great. And every little meaning about it was true about the reality. Starting from the beginning to the end. It's like when I think about it, I feel like I am inside the poem itself. That's amazing to be honest!
Although your ending might not end that pretty well it still great. So that's not bad at all! Bravo again! It was neat and wonderful. Good job.
Well done!
Anyway that's all for now. It was a great one to review! Continue writing and I know for sure you will have a great future ahead of you because you inspire a lot of us to write something like this including me. So I hope you don't stop writing!
Again, Happy Review Day!
-ILoveBooks out.
Thank you!
Hi, HolographicLadybug, I'm xv0nillaWriterx and I am here to review your poem. First things first, I love the way you seperate them into stanzas and rhyming for almost every sentence. Second thing I love is how you describe the things "Moving pictures from a camera;
Flashing, partying lights;" "My milk is in my glass;
Sloshing, its torrent enveloppes me; " These are the things I like about the poem Now let me tell you that I want you to have First is emotions, what is the character's feeling or emotion about? Is the character sad or angry? Annoying or Happy? That is the only thing I want you to have in your poem I love the rest of the poem and it flows a lot and i want you keep writing poems and include the things i told you and continue the things that i like about the poem. Happy Writing!
Hi HolographicLadybug, Felistia here with a short review on your poem.
I will start with the goods and go to the nit-picks, so first off I love how you described what milk feels like when you drink it. It was a perfect description. The second part of your poem was truly beautiful. I love Autumn and you described it wonderfully. Well done.
Now for the nit-picks. I don't like the last part of your poem as much as the rest and it feels a bit flat compered to the rest of your poem. You also use a lot of punctuation on the ends of your lines that makes it a little hard to read. You also repeat some words a bit in each part of your poem. In the first part you say glass twice. In the third part you say leaf and in the last part you say light. They are very miner things, but they do make a difference in the end.
Over all I really liked it and I thought it flowed very well. It is very creative and I think it is a good poem. Well done and I hope to see more of your work soon. Have a great day\night.
Hi HolographicLadybug! Great poem! Awesome vocabulary! I loved the imagery you gave the poem in just a few lines.
However, I don't understand how these relate to one another. So I can only assume that you wrote these at separate times.
In the beginning, it sounded like you were having breakfast, describing the milk as it quenched your thirst. That was lovely! I especially adored your use of words when you described the milk in the glass as "...a white shadow..." That was just awesome! It's a verbal contradiction.
In the middle of the poem, it sounded as though you were describing the fall (or autumn). I was given a picture of being outside, lying on the ground, watching the brown leaves float aimlessly toward the ground. All the memories of fall when I was a kid rushed back into my head as I read this! Amazing!
At the end, I think you were writing about some sort of party, what with all the flashing lights and the word "partying". But I think this last part wasn't as thorough as the other parts of your poem. It was great, don't get me wrong, but I didn't think that this fit in with the previous sections.
Great poem over all though! I loved the visual!! Keep writing!
-Payds
Thanks for the review! I do respect that the last part is more vague, so I'm just waiting to see if anyone gets it right.