.

Heyo, Hiraeth here for a review.

Like Me said, one of the central problems to this piece is that it's sort of all over the place like loose strings. You've spent one part talking about the men and the women, which for a moment I thought was going to lead somewhere because what you wrote about them made me think that it wasn't set in our world. However, that didn't happen. The focus on this piece seemed to be the nightmares that your MC has been having for quite some time now, so what you should so if shift the focus of the piece on the nightmares. With short stories, that is what you need to do. Shorts are snippets, and because they're snippets they must be precise.

What are the nightmares? What's in the nightmares? How did they started? What do they mean to the MC? What's the message they send? These are the questions you should ask yourself as you write the story because they will be the anchors that anchors the content of your story to the core: the nightmare. Or if you don't want to write about the nightmare, you should still try and come up with a central theme.

You have good descriptions here but the thing is, even with images of the nightmare they're scattered. The ground is curving, but why is the ground curving? What does the ground curbing do? Has it happened before? The descriptions of the nightmare is very short and abrupt, if you're trying to imitate the confusion and panic of the MC then this is good but at the same time due to how little information they offer they also confuse the readers. You need to provide a more solid description of what is happening to the MC, what the nightmare is and why no one seems to believe him (because nightmares are believeable). Is he trying to tell people something about the nightmares that doesn't seem realistic, if so what is it?

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, you've got a good idea but right now it's mostly bone and no flesh. Once you flesh this out and anchor everything down, I'm sure it'll be awesome. If you've got anything questions at all, don't hesitate to ask me.

-Hir

Hey there! I'm here for a review on this lovely Review Day.

So, overall, I like some of the ideas you have going here. I particularly think the details about the town you've given are really interesting - I'd like to know more about this place and why everybody is so lazy and nobody wants to get married. I commend you for giving such a surprisingly interesting background to what is otherwise a simple character in a simple story.

However, that brings me to what bothers me about this story, and I'm going to be a bit blunt here. After I finished reading this, the only thing I wound up asking myself was this - What's the point? This story fell down for me in that specific way - there seemed to be no point to it. You started out with fairly interesting details about the town and how it is unique and basically a terrible place to live, but then all that happens in the story is that the boy and a bunch of other people are killed by what is probably an earthquake.

The problem with this is that that doesn't feel like a story. There's no real plot, no character arc. The main character doesn't change. The elements you introduced at the beginning - the details of the town and the nightmares - don't end up having any relevance in the end. Even something as simple as implying that the earthquake is God's act of vengeance on the town for their "sins" would be something. Even though I was starting to care about the main character, the end of the story was so random that it didn't leave any emotional impact on me.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you exactly how to fix this. The main thing I can say is to try to find a way to tie all the story's elements together. Make it clear how his nightmares and the town's laziness relate to the earthquake.

As far as the actual writing, this piece was quite good. Your descriptions were nice and vivid, and even though it was such a short piece, I could hear the "voice" of the main character quite well, so props for that because that's not easy. Really, the only problem with this piece is its structure.

I'm sorry if I've been a bit harsh - I'm not trying to discourage you. Good luck with this and keep writing!

Hi HolographicLadybug, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful review day.

Story: The story is very interesting and quite scary to be frank. I really wise that this had been a novel and that the main character hadn't died, because I really want to find out more about this world. That being said it is still a great story and was great fun to read.

Characters: One little problem I have is that I didn't get to know the main characters name or did I miss it? Anyway I like that this was a narrative piece, because it worked really well with the whole flow of the story. I was in the characters head the whole time, so I could really feel what he was feeling and over all connect with him very easily.

Description: You definitely did the description well in here as it gave me a very good picture of what was going on around the character. You also made everything feel really grey and old which added to the story and emotion very well. One little problem I would have to point out is that you used the word ripple way to much.

Small problems: (My bed is propped up against the wall opposite of the door.) I feel like it would read better if you wrote it like this ( My bed is propped up against the wall opposite the door) It just makes it flow better.

Over all a great story and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.