My hate burns
while you annoy me constantly
with no end to what you do.
Your very persence,
smell,
sound,
breath,
agitate me to no end.
Go away.
I never want to see you,
but I can't get rid of you.
I can't make you move
so all I can do is wait
wait.....
wait....
wait.....
wait.
There is no end to your torturous means
my patience is busting,
my sanity is bursting
my tolorence is str e e e e tching.
Don't push me.
Oh, but you have.
I'm waiting to lose it
to go insane,
maybe evil,
but it can't come to that,
no,
because then I'll be almost as bad as you.
Almost.
Leave
me
alone.
I can't do anything
I'll I'm left to to is wait for you to be gone.
Leave....leave.....leave......leave.......leave........leave..........
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Canary word: Present
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140,369 Literary Works • 673,125 Reviews
What a great poem. I thought it was relatable. Everyone has been has hated someone so much that they hate just being around them or breathing the same air as them. I thought it was really creative how you put several e's in the word 'stretch.' It showed much emphasis. You did spell 'because' wrong in one of your lines. You're probably aware of than by now & I want you to know that it's okay. We all make mistakes and do 'typos' so it was still a great poem overall. I'd love to read more from you, keep writing!
Hi Ladybug. This poem could apply to the majority of the people I know (haha, only half joking), but one person comes to mind. I won't make you listen to all my problems, so instead, I will talk about your poem.
There were few spelling errors, but I see that they have already been pointed out to you. I really liked the way you formatted the "wait...wait...wait" part. It almost made it look like time was actually passing. I also liked the "leave" line at the end. When the specific person I mentioned above is near me, and is trying to talk to me, I'm always thinking "please go away, leave me alone, stop talking to me, get away from me". I feel your pain.
This was very good, and you conveyed the message very clearly. Nice work!
~Caterpickle
Heh. Thanks.
I really liked the poem. I thought it was a great idea and I feel like you saw the idea through perfectly. I only saw one grammatical mistake: "becasue then I'll be almost as bad as you."
Hi,
becasue
I hate you; that is a good news!
Anyway, a little, blunt nitpick...
Spoiler
See~!
**The Review's Starting!**
First thing's first, I don't understand this. I know your motive for writing this, but you just, you know, put this into a poem and then scribble that and this. Is this it? You just put thoughts into words. I couldn't see more than this. Just a little note: Is this an art of poetry? Generally, this is a poem, but I don't feel this as a poem. I feel this as a scream of misery coming out of blue. Of course, people might think that's poetry too.
Enough with my preaching.
The wording might leave an effect. Like a signal to slow down the flows. Well, poems are made to be recited, yes? Well, wordings don't leave the exact effect when we recite it. I'm a fan of wordings, but each people taught themselves how to respond to wordings. Some agitated; some confused; some amazed. I'm suggesting you to pay attention the rhetorical-whatever-effect-thing. Pardon my memory, I don't pretty remember the thing. Put the key-word will explain everything.
'Kay, was I preaching?
Nevertheless, there was/were reviews that made me sad, saying like this, I think, I just see this poem as a huge chunk of blankness over there and here. Depressing, aye? But that is kinda a truth; and I respect and agree and appreciate it. Let's make a reflection. Is wording created this? Huge chance. Well, there is a place and a time for everything. Stick to this rule, 'kay?
Take a look at this, will ya?
Are bursting and busting the same? Yes, almost the same. So, what are you wanting to say. You want to create good ambiguity, or you want to create good rhymes? I don't see the good points in this. You can make an U-turn or replace it. Although, it technically aren't repetitive words, but it emotionally are repetitive meanings. What the differences? I'd rather not explaining.
Is dancing or writing more beautiful?
The answer is, without doubt, dancing is more. Of course, it would be different if your handwriting is awesomely beautiful. Let make a reflection. Imagine, if you write in your story, the girl's dancing, and, the girl's writing. What are the differences? Well, the sentence structure is the same, but the rule isn't. The latter is telling and vice-versa, showing. A lot of your words you used in this poem's simply not working. See them for yourself. Don't just read but feel them!
"Hush, hush!" or "Keep quiet!"
The latter seems more effective because it isn't repeating. But what about "Silence, silence!"? Yes, this repetition is more beautiful, right? The first "silence" is like slow and low. The second is fast and bold. (Sorry for confusing) and it's because it is on the right place and on the right time. So, another reflection... Look at the 13th line and 24th line. Isn't it identical? It doesn't bring much effect, right?
Look at the dots! Count them all! We have five after the first leave, and seven after the second, and five after the third, and six after the fourth and another six after the sixth, and the last, seven again. Please... Don't make you look more fool than you already are. No offenses, but I think, some think, that even the smallest things the poets did to their poems, they mean something. Make them have a meaning...or I am the one, fool? Ellipses are enough, right?
Emotion, feeling. They don't mean the same. Each words aren't the same.
This is the vital part of my review, pay attention. This poem starts with a burning passion and then it becomes a faster and then it abruptly stops and then it's getting speeds and then it ends slowly, gosh, how long do I have to wait till the end. I can just skip some words. BE WArNED. Is that how your reader responds to this, it means you were just writing for nothing (in some part) and the reader were just reciting-OUT-loud for nothing (in some part). Please don't. It makes you look like a bad person. Nobody wants to be a bad person, right?
Overall feelings!
Just or unjust, there is not "unjustice" in the dictionary. So, what make "justice"? I don't know, but they must be a reason for that. I feel your poem is quite despairing. That's good. But I don't (when I read it.). I know it's hard to reach to that point. Well, try! That is a good exercise. If you happened to read or watch or hear something that left an effect to you, it means it could leave an effect to others as well. If you feel your poem is happy, some will feel your poem is happy too! I don't understand psychology or brain-matters much, so please heed your questions to the pro, 'kay?
**The Review's Finally Ending**
Just or unjust, there isn't "unjustice"...
~Memo
P/s: Keep writing!
Spoiler