Winding roads lined with trees
glare at me as I drive.
I wish their branches
would reach out and grab me,
drag me away from my destination.
But they don't.
I feel the tires come to a rest
and immedietly know
that I am here.
It all looks so familiar,
But it isn't.
All the gray stones
all the names and dates,
but only one stands out to me.
It reads like a punch in the gut,
But I don't feel it.
I feel the numb washing away
with each step drawing me closer.
I feel the tsunami of pain and memories
that I blocked out for years,
but...
My knees grip the earth
as my eyes become fountains.
My breath is stolen from me
like a theif in the night,
But I'm still breathing.
Her fingers untangle my hair,
and I look up to see her
angelic face...
I'm six years old again,
But I'm not.
I think about
your pretty white dress,
the thing that suited you
so well.
It made you look like an angel,
perfect,
But you weren't.
I think about how sorry I am,
because I didn't go to your funeral.
I just couldn't deal with it,
But I should have.
I really love you...
I really miss you...
No buts...
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140,703 Literary Works • 673,672 Reviews
This was really sad, and I'm on the verge of tears right now! This was so beautifully written, and I love the repetitiveness of the "buts". The description and emotion in this piece were amazing, and I just love this. Really great job! Please, keep writing!
This has a lot of emotion in it. I enjoyed reading it. It was long, but not boring. Great job!! Simply awesome! Keep up the fabulous work!
The first time I read the title, I read it as I'm visiting your mom, and I was like, "Uh oh, this can't end well." And then Stacy's Mom started playing in my head.
) I liked the buts at the end of each stanza, and the
really drove the thing home.I enjoyed this piece. (And not just because it was a whole lot sophisticated than my first impression thought it would be.
I admit not knowing what else to say, because it was beautiful. Keep writing.
Aw, this is so sad!
All right, so I don't know if this is based off of a true story or whatever (I hope it isn't!) but I'll pretend it isn't... wishful thinking, right? Anyway, if this is based off a true story, then feel free to ignore my opinions.
One thing I noticed was the jerkiness of the poem. It seemed a little stop and go at times, actually. I'm kind of torn as to whether I liked that effect or I hated it. On one hand, I liked it because it made the grief sound a lot more poignant, and on the other hand it made it really jerky. Maybe it might be possible to combine some of these stanzas together so you still have the jerkiness of the poem, yet it's not too annoying.
One of the images I saw I really liked. It was this one:
I think about
your pretty white dress,
the thing that suited you
so well.
It made you look like an angel,
perfect,
But you weren't.
Anyway, I read this and I thought, "Wouldn't it be interesting if you could tie this imagery of the angel with the gravestone?" So, you know how when you go to graveyards, they have a lot of pictures of angels everywhere and such? Wouldn't it be interesting if you used this image of the mom as a living, breathing angel and contrasted it with the stone, cold angels that were frozen on the headstones. It might be interesting.
All in all, this poem made me sad. I never liked graveyards for this reason. It's just so still and there are too much unfinished business.
Well written besides the small mistakes I pointed out.
The way you wrote this was very nicely balanced in my opinion. I liked how you contradicted the statements and feelings with, But they don't, But it isn't, etc. Because by the end of your poem, you included that last statement:
I enjoy when I can visually read and understand when poems get tied up like this in the end. It usually leaves you with a good standing impression. I got the same vibe with this poem here. So great job with that.
One thing I didn't entirely agree with was the way you capitalized the But in every little section. The sentence leaves off in a comma, therefore it should be lower case. I make a note of this because the grammar throughout the poem pretty much goes by the rules apart from this.
Overall, I feel the emotion was very nostalgic. I like how you paired it with regret though. It complimented everything very well. You had some really original metaphors as well. I couldn't find much about this poem that was really that off to me. It portrayed simple emotions, and was executed nicely.