Ok, well I had to write three poems for my creative writing class about my hometown. They had to be written in three different voices, so I just thought I would share them with you. They are not very good, I havn't even edited them, so yeah.
Child’s Hometown
Three story house,
with childhood adventures lurking.
Large back yard,
full of room to imagine things
that should be beyond imagining.
Above ground pool,
full of underwater fantasies
and childish fears.
Small front yard,
containing a cute, cuddly, puppy.
Long crooked streets,
containing neighbors
I will never know.
Large, grown-up clothes
that create fun days,
full of dress up.
Sunflowers casting shadows
stretching down the field,
to another perfect sunset,
Ending another perfect day.
Teenagers Home
Orange walls watch me,
as I silently pray
for an escape.
They enclose me
as I watch my only exit
fade away.
Years pass, and I am still contained,
but I begin to feel
the barrier loosen.
It has begun
to loose it’s grip
on me.
I see the chasm
of my reality
open before my eyes.
I feel the wings
of my freedom,
sprouting from my back.
I taste the new freedom
as my wings carry me
away from this place.
My hometown.
Grey Hairs
Gray hair rests on my head,
Like a king on his throne.
Each hair bringing back
Memories from long ago.
Times when things were
Oh so simple.
Times when work meant
Picking cotton,
And playing meant
Making your own toys.
The times when coke was 5 cents a bottle,
And candy was cheaper than that.
The times when
You could talk to strangers,
And your neighbors meant you no harm.
The times when
Everyone was happy
With what they had,
And when complaining wasn’t so common.
The grey hairs remind me
Of my childhood.
God, I miss my hometown.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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The first poem:
It was okay, very strange and a little laim though. I felt as if you were lost between describing the breath-taking scenes in your mind and the simple pictures. It was not a very good combination though. Try editing it.
The second poem:
to loose it’s grip...You used the verb begun earlier. You must keep the verbs in cohesion, since you used the present perfect to the verb begin (begun) use the present perfect in the following verb.
Other than that, I liked this poem very much. You have deep ideas and images that keep the writer willing to read on.
The third poem:
It was touching, you added your special touch of explaining the past, which apparently keeps memories in your mind. I still like the second best.
Write on, it's your thing.
I like how your poems kind of took a journey through life.... Okay, scratch that. That's not what I mean, but I don't know how to say what I mean.... Let me start over: Like, I liked that the first one was a childhood poem, then the second was a teenager poem, then the third was an old person poem. I liked the...progression. There we go.
And I LOVED these two lines from the first poem:
"full of room to imagine things
that should be beyond imagining."