I am the Apple

I am like an apple Yay! Simile
and you a knife.
You slide into me
carefully, placing yourself
delicately in me. This sounds awkward. Change up the words or say "into"
You smoothly carve
into my core
running circles through me.
But soon
you slide out of me
taking with you
my core,
and leaving a big
emty hole.

Haha, I love it.

The main thing here is you have toooooooooooooons of adverbs, and you use that as an excuse to not use interesting verbs, which is a problem! Interesting verbs here would be soooo much more interesting! So don't use adverbs as a pathetic excuse for not using powerful verbs.

I am like an apple
and you a knife.
You slide into me <-- Yes!
carefully, placing yourself <-- carefully is one of those adverbs! And "place" isn't a very interesting verb.
delicately in me. <-- delicately is probably all right.
You smoothly carve <-- carve is an interesting verb, but why smoothly? Maybe carve isn't the word you want if you have to modify it.
into my core <-- Woo!
running circles through me. <-- I think you might want to use a different word than "running"
But soon
you slide out of me <-- You already used "slide" -- pick another verb!
taking with you
my core,
and leaving a big
emty hole. <-- Typo! Should be "empty."

In any case, I loved it. The whole metaphor made me very happy and made this a very interesting poem to read. Just slice out the adverbs, okay? You're better than that.

I know I'm supposed to give some kind of constructive review, so I didn't review this the first time I read it. Then, the title caught my eye once more and when I realized it was the same poem..I just had to comment:

Odd, a little dirty, strange, yet brilliant?



Rita

I like it. I think that you do good analogies.

Haha! Love it. Shows us that you don't need big words and long statments to come up with a very meaningful poem. The
images are crisp and clear--you can almost hear the knife cutting into the apple really!

The poem looks lean on the page and gives a good idea of how to cut free verse.

On the literal level there's no arguing with it; the apple-peeling process is captured very well. The word "like" in the first line instantly elevates us to the second level of interpretation, that this is a poem about people and not just apples. The "cutting into" part suggests something sexual. This is reinforced by the way an otherwise "violent" process is worded--delicate, smooth. The "but" causes an abruptness, implying that the persona wanted the whole affair to last a bit longer, which brings us to the third level of interpretation, that this is a poem about relationships.

The transitions between levels of interpretation were subtle and effortless. There is much we beginning poets can learn from it. Wonderful piece. Keep writing!

I am like an apple
and you a knife.Good simile!
You slide into me
carefully, placing yourself
delicately in me.This strikes me as odd, but I get the message.
You smoothly carve
into my core By carve you mean?? This doesn't sound right.
running circles through me.When I cut apples I don't cut circles, but I like the thought.
But soon
you slide out of me
taking with you
my core,
and leaving a big
emty hole.I LIKE THIS A LOT!! You spelled empty wrong, but who cares- I know I don't- this is a great line!!

Hey Flower Child!
I like the metaphor you used in this poem, it worked well. This is a great poem. Keep up the great writing!

Thank you for the comments guys. Y'all do indeed have some dirty minds though haha. Take it however you see it I suppose.

First off I just want to say that I really enjoyed this poem I can relate and I think the best poetry or story is something almost everyone can relate too, so good job!

Now just a few suggestions in purple:

I am like an apple
and you, a knife. Comma maybe to help it flow?
You slide into me I don't think this is a good verb to use and I think it was mentioned already, but at first I totally got a dirty picture... I read it again and I understood what you were trying to say.
carefully, placing yourself
delicately in me.Again, this just adds to the dirtiness above, but I think if you change the verb "slide" it'll work You smoothly carve
into my core
running circles through me. I REALLY like this Good use of visualization.
But soon
you slide out of me Same thing again with the verb.
taking with you
my core,
and leaving a big
emty hole. :(

Overall I really did enjoy this poem, I'm just being picky. I hope you keep writing because I'd love to read more!

I too read this as a double entendre and I too am wondering if you meant for it to be so. I suppose it could be interpreted as your heart as the core but I just wasn't seeing it that way. Surely we can't all be mistaken can we?

I actually really enjoyed the fact that this had two very different meanings. The metaphor was used very well and I thought it was pretty fresh and I enjoyed it.

Keep Writing

-Amie

Above and above...agreed. x3

Now I am hoping that you didn't mean what I think you meant but then again that would mean I have a gutter-mind. Hopefully you meant something along the lines of someone worming their way into your heart and then ripping it out as they leave you, and not...that other thing. If that is what you meant, I sincerely advise you to change your wording. x3

Hey! I'm going to review for you. I kind of on a review rant. Weird?

Anyway on to the poem

--->>

I kind of agree with Scar. Does this have a double dirty meaning? The way you described it made me unsure whether or not you meant to write a clean simple beautiful poem or whether you meant to use the apple as a metaphor for... *** You get it.

I'll just leave that out of it and take it as a pure apple cutting.
I actually really love this. You scare me how you can make something so beautiful out of what...cutting an apple??
It takes a lot of skill to that my friend so I'm going to give you the thumbs up and ask you to never stop what ever it is you do...you're good. This is good. The flow was so strong. It had depth and meaning *Here's hoping* that burst through every line and it meant it. I felt the poem was sincere~Is that weird? The poem talked to me in a way I thought know apple could
It was simple and short but I enjoyed every minute. My favourite line was;

You smoothly carve
into my core

Hey there, Flower. I'm here to review. ^^

Please tell my mind's not in the gutter and that you're just talking about cutting up an apple! *begs* Seriously, major innuendeos here. >.> If I'm wrong, ingore that! Moving on. I thought this was a cute little poem (totally ignoring the implications here) and I loved it. The flow was nice and simple, the rythym was fine too and the imagery could be taken two different ways, but it was brilliant.

Nitpicks. Only one; "emty hole." Isn't it 'empty'? I think you forget the 'p'. Other than that, I have no nitpicks. *nods* Overall, Flower, this is brilliant little poem, but be careful. It can be taken two different ways, Flower. So yeah, just watch that, huh? Other than that, it's a great little poem. And I like it. *clicks like* Thank you for the beautiful poetry, Flower. I do adore this, even with the double meanings. x.x Remember, keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scar.

Flower~Child wrote:I am like an apple
and you a knife. Cool!
You slide into me Reword this.
carefully, placing yourself
delicately in me. Careful with the adverbs. This one does not work.
You smoothly carve Again, this adverb doesn't really fit.
into my core "Carve" and "core" sound somewhat similar.
running circles through me. Nice!
But soon
you slide out of me Hmm...different verb.
taking with you
my core, Different word for "core," maybe?
and leaving a big Not sure you need "big."
emty hole.