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Taming the tea

by Buranko

Brown dragons
Coiling on my spoon
Make the cristal sky
Shake in violent waves

I try to tame them
Slowly bringing a spoonful to my mouth
Ahh, they bit me!
So patiently I keep stirring

The sour sun leaks
Tears; the brown dragons
Change their color
Into a lighter tone.

Carefully I bring another
Sip to my lips
My face brightens.
The dragons didn't bite me this time,
Instead a soft feeling embraced my lips
Mythical kiss

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21 Reviews

Points: 321
Reviews: 21

Thu Oct 15, 2020 4:39 pm
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rida says...

I love this! It’s a wonderful poem. The way you wrote this is amazing. You are a wonderful poet!
My favourite line was this:

Instead a soft feeling embraced my lips
Mythical kiss

The last line was nice. It finished the poem neatly. Thank you for sharing this poem! It’s wonderful!


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44 Reviews

Points: 2445
Reviews: 44

Wed Oct 14, 2020 3:55 am
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Euphoria8 wrote a review...

AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH as a tea-obsessed freak with a freaky obsession with tea (yes that repetition is intentional to stress on how much I am freaking obssessed with tea okay now I sound crazy XD), this poem makes me want to disappear into the seven skies, take a nap in heaven and come back with happy tears in my face and that's a huge compliment!

"Instead a soft feeling embraced my lips
Mythical kiss."

Thank you for sharing these verses because now I officially have a soulmate I can kiss every morning yayyy

Anyway, being serious, ahem, RavenLord suggested most of the things I thought of so my only nitpick is that "crystal" is misspelled "cristal" (I know, a very minor spelling mistake but I just thought I should point that out in case.)

Thank you for sharing and keep growing <3

Buranko says...

OOOOO we are both tea freaks. I am in love with black tea and my mother often when giving me a gift, she buys me tea. That way she knows certainly I will love the gift

Euphoria8 says...

WAHHH talk about Mother of the Year! I'm glad to know you get the tea you need in your life :) I prefer ginger milk tea more, the way my mom makes it is the absolute best for me!

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110 Reviews

Points: 2844
Reviews: 110

Tue Oct 13, 2020 9:02 pm
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RavenLord wrote a review...

Hi, Buranko! RavenLord here with a review for you.

As an avid tea drinker myself, I simply had to review this piece. I loved your use of "brown dragons" to describe the tea; I can definitely see where you'd get the idea for that metaphor. Your imagery of the "sour sun" and "crystal sky" are also great to read.

A couple critiques for you: First, there's so much more imagery you can play around with in this poem! Some of your descriptions fall short (ie. "A lighter tone", "A soft feeling embraced my lips/Mythical kiss). Sometimes less is more, but in this case I think you could bulk up this piece into something with more substance. Consider what tea looks like as it steeps and grows lighter: what could you compare that color to? And what other words aside from "brown" could you use? That word leaves a dull color in my mind and doesn't quite describe the depth of the shade that tea turns.
Second, stating the fact that the dragons didn't bite you doesn't quite convey the relief this final stanza should give us. Perhaps something along the lines of "Tiny fangs trouble my tongue no more" or "No flame scalds me this time." There are so many descriptors for dragons that you're missing out on!

I hope you found this review helpful! I enjoyed reading this poem and I know it can be even better! Best wishes and happy writing :D


Buranko says...

Yea, I agree with you on colors, I struggle with using other words except these basic colors. My chromatic vocabulary is pretty limited. But as for the ending I believe that I nailed it with the calm tone. I did think of something fancier but didn't want to include it.
And thanks for the ideas on how to improve the description of the tea. I only covered the surface level, never thought of depth and varying the tones of its color. Thanks for reviewing :)

RavenLord says...

No prob!

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41 Reviews

Points: 592
Reviews: 41

Tue Oct 13, 2020 8:26 pm
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LordMomo says...

I love this! You're an amazing poet. :D

Buranko says...

Aww thank you Momo <3

When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.
— Dean Jackson