what started everything?
was it that smile
was it my fascination
or was it that random text
on one fateful night
whatever the case may be
the stories we say
while hidden in bed
embraced by the loving hands
of the night
I can’t get enough of it
texts unveil us
explain the unknown
repair the bonds
set up meetings
and break them
when we finally meet
our eyes shy, our mouths shut
just enjoy the moment
no need for small talk.
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,990 Reviews
Hi, really nice job on your poem. I really liked how two people could form a relationship without even having to talk. Normally this is not how a relationship is formed its more face to face, but I guess that's different now because of Covid. Now that pretty much all conversation happens digitally through texting and calling. I also really enjoyed the mystery of it because we don't actually know what they are texting to each other.
My favorite part of your poem was the ending.
"when we finally meet
our eyes shy, our mouths shut
just enjoy the moment
no need for small talk."
You convey that these two people have built up such a strong relationship and that the know each other so well that they don't even need to talk to feel happy. I loved how the poem showed how the relationship grew into something beautiful through something as simple as texting.
Overall: I really enjoyed your poem, I also haven't written a review in like a month. I didn't see any spelling errors and I think you put punctuation is all the right places. I also really liked the story it told between two people and how it grew. You had so much emotion and power in your pome and it was beautiful. Great job! Can't wait to read what you write next.
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Hey, there! Nice poem here. I like how you've conveyed the idea that two people can develop a strong connection just through texting. While this is obviously not the ideal means of bonding, that doesn't exclude the fact that lots of communication can happen digitally, and that friendships often form this way. I also like how you leave out just what it is they're texting about, as it leaves it open to the reader's own imagination to fill in the gaps through the familiarity of personal experience.
Your final stanza is probably the deepest, I'd say. I love how you show that these two people can enjoy a comfortable silence in each other's presence because of the connection they've already built.
Each stanza is not uniform in length as I generally prefer to see, but that does not detract from the good content. Keep up the great writing!
Yes! I like the poem. I like the mood of it. I would suggest changing line 5 to “on one fateful night” because it leaves you with more of that sense of sweet mystery than “in one fateful night” in my opinion. Other than that, I really like the poem! The mood is very sweet and light, it is unique in a good way.
Yeaaa good idea, i like it more than what i said
Thanks!