Hello there! I saw this poem awhile ago and wanted to leave a review, but I never did, so here I am now! xD
I remember what struck me about this poem the first time I read it is the use of your images. Especially the last lines with the mention of "blueberry pancakes," I thought this poem was very unique and even fun. And I also really love the title; it's simple, but something about the idea of a warm, cozy train chugging through the winter brings such a majestic feeling to me. Overall, I think this poem is quite different, and I really like that about this!
I think this my favourite element of your poem is your language and word choice! I'm going to go part by part and give you my opinions, but please feel free to ignore them if you don't agree :)
The cold love of winter
Hits my window;
It's interesting how you describe love as "cold" -> usually that seems like a negative thing, but winter is cold obviously cx so I think it's an interesting phrase that seems a bit contradictory to what a reader might describe love as feeling, which makes your poem all the more interesting!
This is just a suggestion; I was thinking that maybe you could replace "hit" with a stronger synonym to emphasize the cold part of winter's love, or just make to have a stronger, more impactful verb perhaps? The verb I thought of was "strike," but maybe "slams" or "blows" -> it just kinda depends on what idea you want to get across about winter's love. But this is just a suggestion, so please feel free to ignore! ^^
Lost in the spectacular blue
Love how you described blue as "spectacular" -> adds to the overall majestic feel I'm getting from this poem. My one thought was to replace the word "blue" with a more specific shade to add to that majestic feel. Like sapphire, cerulean, azure, lapis. Just some more thoughts for you c:
Slowly this metal beast
Digs into the night.
The way you describe the train as "metal" and it "digging into the night" starts to stir up a cold (not the temperature definition) atmosphere that was first brought up in the first stanza, which I really liked. Your poem feels connected and consistent.
"Mister, how many stars are there"
Asks a young girl
"Can I sit beside you? Do you like oranges?"
Quick note: do you want a question mark in the first question? It seems a bit incomplete without it, to me at least, especially since you put a question mark in the last two questions.
I love the first question, it portrays a sort of innocence of a young girl's mind. It also definitely adds to the majestic feel of this poem, wondering how many stars are in this big galaxy. I found the third question a bit random though - for me, it actually lessened the impact and weight of the first question. It also doesn't really connect with the other parts of your poem. I was thinking, since you mentioned blueberry pancakes later on, maybe the girl could as "Do you like blueberries?" Or maybe you could even take out the whole question and not replace it with anything. That's just my opinion on this part, but again, if you don't agree then please ignore this! ^_^
Delicate snowflakes
Knock on my window.
I love the idea of snowflakes knocking on the window. It's a different verb from what you would normally expect, which I think is efficient because it delivers a nice impact. And it's not too strong so it would contradict with the "delicate" part. So overall, I really like this part <3
I gaze at the horizon
Dreaming of blueberry pancakes
In this cold wonderland.
I don't know why, but I really like this part xD just the idea of warm pancakes inn a "cold wonderland" seems really fitting. I also love how you made them blueberry pancakes, because blueberries are blue, and I associate blue with winter. Actually, throughout this whole poem, I kept envisioning this blue in my mind. So I think you did a nice job with the overall theme!
A random suggestion, but I think it would be cool if you could elaborate a tiny bit more on the pancakes. Describing them as warm, cozy, or hot and fresh, or syrupy would contradict with the "cold wonderland' part, and I think that would work really well! But that's just a suggestion that you don't have to take.
And that's all I got for you! Overall, I loved the feeling this poem gave me, and I think the atmosphere was well created. I enjoyed the different images you included in this, and your ideas were very unique. I really enjoyed reading this, and I hope to read more from you in the future! I hope this helped
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