As a child
I would have loved a pet however,
Being allergic to fur my parents decided I can't have such things.
So during the day I would sneak out
Of our little nest.
My destination was always the same
The forest.
There, under the green archways,
On the soft leaf carpet,
Near the little path,
Proudly stood tall an old beech tree.
He was my pet,
I would go and scratch his
Wrinkled bark.
I would tell him stories and poems,
Hours and hours every day.
He would gently caress me,
With his silky hands of wind.
He reacted to my stories
Shockingly nodding his leaves.
I brought sweets, candies, soda, chocolate.
And always offered to share
But strangely, he always refused.
But I still loved him.
Nowadays, that magic is gone.
There remains the old beech tree.
Walkîng slowly to it,
I open the chest of memories.
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139,372 Literary Works • 672,541 Reviews
Hey, Buranko! Raven's back with another review!
This poem really hit my soft spot. It didn't go where I expected; for some reason I thought you'd befriended a bird or lizard or something along those lines. The personification of the beech tree was so skillfully done: "wrinkled bark", "silky hands", "nodding his leaves", they're all amazing! I have a couple critiques for you that I'll get to in just a second, but for real: AMAZING job!!
Okay so I my first critique is that in some places you put words where there don't really need to be words. For example, you say his "shockingly [nods] his leaves." I think this line would be better and less clunky if it didn't have "shockingly" in it. It's an incorrect use of the word and isn't really necessary in that bit.
Second critique: The last stanza is a bit awkward. You say the magic is gone and then reintroduce the beech tree without a "but" or "however" to be seen! If the magic remains, a conjunction like one of those may help clarify that. If the magic is gone, the chest of memories may need its own stanza or a clarification that you're remembering the magic.
As I said, you did an excellent job on this poem! It was very nostalgic and I could picture the scenes going on so clearly. Thank you for writing this! Happy RevMo and happy writing!
Best wishes,
RavenLord
Yeah, now that you say it, the "shockingly" is a bit awkward and it makes the line seem overcrowded.
As for the last stanza, I did think of using a "but", but after trying both with hut and without it, I liked more this direct approach of the persona. It gave a slow ending, calm and smooth, also giving that nostalgic vibe. Dunno I preffer this more.
Ah, nice! It's good if the poet is okay with the result, then.
Hey there!
So, I don't know much about poetry, and I'm constantly learning more on this very website! Instead, I'm going to review the story behind your words, which I hope is okay with you. (Due to that, I suppose this will be more of a 'compliment chair' situation than a review...)
That part where you mention sharing your treats with the beech tree?
It is probably my favorite part in the entire poem. I detect a sense of childhood innocence that you come back to at the sight of that very special tree, (as you put clearly in the next grouping of stanzas). My only concern is whether or not you should've put the word 'but' before 'I still loved him'. You had used it in the stanza beforehand and it felt a little redundant and maybe a tad bit unnecessary.
I would've left my review short, but this really caught my eye. I really loved the descriptive writing you used! I find it hard to incorporate detail into my poetry because, (according to my reviewers), it ruins the flow. This is a problem I struggle with, but as far as I can see, I don't believe you do!
Anyway, I just stopped by because this was a heartwarming piece that I genuinely enjoyed reviewing. I'll be sure to check out your other work(s)!
Aww thank you. This review had such an innocent vibe to it, maybe because you said that you are not that good with poetry reviewing. Anyway I got a tip for you when it comes to adding details in your poem, dunno if you knew this before. Try to think of the details you want to add to that certain thing in your work. Then try to reduce them but in such a way the original meaning is still there, like extracting the essence out of it. And before adding the resulted product try reviewing it a bit in your mind so that it fulfills the purpose of show don't tell. I hope i didn't confuse you. Try incorporating nice images in your descriptions.
Hello there! Horisun here! I hope you're having an epic Review Month!
I loved, loved, loved this poem. It was incredible. It has a very whimsical feeling to it, and you get a sense of nostalgia just from reading this.
I do have a small suggestion though when it comes to the second stanza. This is just my opinion, however, so if you disagree, pay it no heed.
I think this introduction doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. The second stanza is vastly different from the rest, as you only used two lines rather than four, and that did strike me as odd.
Of course, that's a small nitpick about an overall great poem! I didn't see many issues with the grammar, and you had good word choice!
Keep on writing, and have a great day!
You see, I wrote this on my phone so no shift enter for me. The first stanza is 3 lines long.
Ah, Ok, that makes sense!