Flying sounds rustle in the wind
The old leather whistles a faint apocalyptic tune;
Nails offending the voices, struggling for a breath.
Can't breathe ?? Blame them...
Mom! The mothership is back.
Don't worry son, it's just the dream inducing boot
Playing its pranks on
Harmless beings.
Observe, smell, feel and hear
Sour patches of sky, dropping on my ears.
SPLOOSH!! splattering in the waterproof weather.
What a lovely day to be living
Under a loving sky.
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139,372 Literary Works • 672,541 Reviews
Hi!
Just wanted to to share a short review:
First off, I really enjoyed your poem. My first impression: this seemed like the ravings of someone on an acid trip but there was a profoud beauty to your words, weighed with significance in every syllable.
I don't really have much to offer but I really enjoyed your poem!
Glad you liked it
hello, forever young here to leave a very short review.
I was immeresed in the sea of emotions! I love this so much! although I really loved the poem, here are my favourite lines
"Mom! The mothership is back.
Don't worry son, it's just the dream inducing boot
Playing its pranks on
Harmless beings."
these were actually awesome and the best ones.
you just nailed it. I have nothing more to say. just keep up the good work.
you have a great potential as a writer.
bye
-foreveryoung299
I. Love this. So much. This is really beautiful, and the abstract language helps immensely to contribute to the themes of confusion and overwhelming... ness. You've done an incredible job, and your style is stunning!
"The old leather whistles a faint apocalyptic tune..." This one line is so beautiful. You've done an amazing job capturing the sentience and personification of all of these things that one would ordinarily consider to be givens.
"Mom! The mothership is back." For this whole stanza, I'd recommend some sort of quotation marks or italics to indicate speech.
"...it's just the dream inducing boot..." This line is a little confusing? It's hard to tell what you mean by this. While the rest of the more confusing and unclear lines are confusing and unclear in a charming way, like a paradox, this one just confounds. Perhaps try clearing up what this means just a bit more?
"Sour patches of sky, dropping on my ears./SPLOOSH!! splattering in the waterproof weather." These lines are incredible. I want to cradle them to my chest and think of them at least once a day. No criticisms for these lines, they're perfect.
"What a lovely day to be living/ Under a loving sky." These last couple of lines wrap the entire poem up beautifully. Also, the use of your lovely/living/loving is VERY satisfying to read. great use of consonance!
Overall, I adore this poem, and I will definitely be coming back to read it again. Thank you for writing it
Well it is as you read it, a boot. The first stanza explained it (leather, nails) and in the following stanza I confirmed it was a boot. I wanted to make something alien but earthly if it makes sense. After seeing a meme about boots I knew what to use
I think it adds to the abstract feeling of dreams
oHHhHH yeah gotcha!! okidoki then it is ALL good my dude