Young Writers Society

Hi Buranko!
Here for a short review!

So I was immediately intrigued by the title, it was just ambiguous enough that I was like hmm need to read that! And I really like the very curt / direct voice you used in the poem too - one thing that I think could be improved in, is that the way the poem is broken up leads to some lines being kind of immediately unclear in a way that inhibits understanding the poem because you have to re-read things twice.

For example you wouldn't want a line in a poem to be:
"I hate you
r mean boss"
because the meaning completely changes from line 1 to line 2 when you add the "r" to "you" to be "your" - generally unless it's instrumental you don't want a poem to have to back track on itself, because you lose reader trust when they don't know whether they can trust each line they're reading. You take them out of the moment of the poem, and into analysis, which is sometimes good, but I think in this case is distracting.

In your poem - at first I read your first stanza as "stop dating buying-books" and I was like... uh what does that mean? and then realized the speaker intended - "Stop dating. Instead, buying books is easier". The second stanza had the same issue, and then the last stanza was kind of hard to make heads or tales of.

I think this poem would be much more effective with some punctuation or just written out in list form - as is, it kind of dances from subject to subject and is hard to read as a single poem or speaker because I'm not seeing the correlation between each subject.

I really really dig the concept, I think a poem of lists about advice could be quite compelling, but I think a little bit of editting would really improve the poem you've got here as far as understanding, continuity, and readability go.

Keep writing, you're good at it!

all the best,

alliyah

I really like the pithiness of this poem. Though it starts out rather jokey and a bit ironic, as you reread and go a bit deeper below the surface humorous tone, I think there are many interesting underlying emotions in this poem. I love the first stanza - you sure can find much more true emotional fulfillment through books than dating - when you date it’s superficially checking out and rating another complex human being, while reading books is more akin to the experience of falling in love: in other words deeply knowing something or someone. And then there is the second stanza, which despite its shortness manages to completely subvert itself. This motif then is repeated in the third stanza. And finally there is the fourth stanza, which is my favorite. I really liked the way you called the reader’s attention to the difference between stopping and beginning to continue. While stopping, because of its static nature can imply something a bit negative, beginning to continue implies active ness and hope of something new, as opposed to the feeling of loss we often feel when something is stopped or comes to an end.

Hello, Book_Dragon here for a really quick review!

First of all, I like how this is short and simple. It is just a funky and sweet little poem, and I like that. The first and third stanzas are my favorite. Books over boys (or girls or whomever) any day! I also think weird articles are better that sleeping, some nights.

I have only two suggestions. My first is punctuation. You don't have to, but I suggest putting a period at the end of each stanza. I agree with the other reviewer when they said that it makes the poem flow better.

My second suggestion is in the last stanza. "Beginning to not stop" just sounds slightly clunky in my mind. I would change it to "Beginning to continue" or something along those lines. It is totally optional, though, because I think it is okay as it is.

Awesome poem Buranko!

Hello Buranko!

I'm a little rusty at reviewing poetry, but I wanted to leave some thoughts on your poem today. Everything that I'm writing is my opinion, so feel free to take or leave any thoughts that I've given as you wish.

I really enjoy the way you work with the form here. Every stanza begins with "Stop" and a verb, the next line replaces that with another activity, and the last line uses "Is [insert adjective]". This seems like a nice form because while it's present, it doesn't feel overly obvious and the repetition helps to tie your four different ideas together.

The simplicity of this poem and your brief stanzas is very refreshing. I tend to over-explain in my poems, so I like that you can be so succinct with your points!

I did feel like there was a little discord in this poem; there's not necessarily an outright contradiction, but since you have such a simple form with no room for explanation, it makes a few things seem odd.

One of these is that your second lines are not an exact replacement--buying books isn't necessarily exclusive of dating, and neither is drinking tea exclusive of procrastinating. They of course don't have to be directly related, but I'm left wondering why I might be drinking tea instead of procrastinating when my brain might turn to "working" as an opposing idea. Seems to me like you can drink tea and procrastinate!

The other thing that distracted a me a little was the ideas you're saying to stop. Since the writer is offering advice and things to be careful of, I want to agree with it, but then wait--"stop sleeping"?! Generally sleep is important, so when you say that "Reading weird articles online / Is better," readers might not agree and that at least jolted me from the flow of your poem for a moment. That might be something to consider, especially with the form that you're using. ^_^ Does your tone feel consistent throughout?

Because of the short nature of your poem, I would say that you should just carefully consider all of your word choices and their connotations and implications. What might one word indicate to a reader that another would not?

Generally, you do a nice job of this! Despite the simplicity, words like "tea," "weird articles" (and the implication that they're being read late at night!), and "buying books" conjure up a cozy little image of someone's life that is really neat. Actually, since all of these ideas seem to be typical of writers (at least some writers), I was wondering if you might change your title to something about readers or writers? You could certainly use the title to give a little more background as to the advice that's about to be given and the kind of lifestyle you're creating here. Also, you can always consider your closing adjectives and give them stronger connotations to help strengthen the claims you're making in each stanza.

One last thing--I normally might find the last stanza a little abstract after the concrete images you've been using before. "Stopping" is certainly a lot more general than "reading weird articles online"! I do rather like it as an ending, though, because it feels like it reflects on the poem as a whole with its list of "Stop"s and it makes the reader pause and linger in order to figure out the contradictions of "stop stopping" and "beginning to not stop".

Overall, really nice poem! There's a lot going on for something so short and I enjoyed reading it and thinking it over. Maybe I'd better start drinking tea and buying more books.

Happy writing!
-Q

Hi, hello good morning ir whatever it is where you happen to be existing.
I am Wolf and may I just say YES AMEN LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE AT THE BACK AND I FULLY SUPPORT.
This little poem, so light hearted so simple yet you had me saying aloun things like yes absolutely! That is the mark of a good poem. I especially agree with the first stanza, this actually very similar to what I say to my friends and family when they ask me why I don't have a boyfriend. Anyway, overall this poem was a delight. Keep up the great work


As always, Wolf

Heyyyy! Forever here for a review!

The last stanza constitues one of the best advice I have ever heard. It's great, I mean really brilliant! The alliteration was also awesome. As for the second line, the composition or the structure feels quite good, I think though I had to re-read the line. This stanza actually sums up the poem and feels like the ultimate advice ever. So, good job with that.

I wonder why you didn't put any punctuations. Maybe you should use punctuations to make the flow better. Punctuations are actually kind of necessary for a smooth flow. Like at the end of each stanza, you should put a full stop and also after the first lines of each stanza, you should put a semi-colon, I think.

I was really shocked at the third stanza where you told we should stop sleeping! Like why? We should sleep, we shouldn't hurt our eyes by sacrificing our sleep and read articles online. That is really kind of weird. I don't know if you kind of substituted sleep as a form of laziness. If you did that, then it's good.

I have no opinion about the first stanza as I have never thought about it nor do I know what I will do if someone asks me to but whoa! Buying and reading books is really cool.

The second stanza was cool and kind of whimsical in tone. Drinking tea is nothing but I loved how you portrayed it as a work, as something to do. Someday, I should stop procrastinating and make a cup of tea for me, seriously. The making process seems to be tiresome.

Overall, this was a great poem.

Keep Writing!

~Forever