Ah I was going to review this when I first saw this but am just getting to now!
I love spiritual poetry so was so happy to see this, and then Byzantine Music?? Are you Greek Orthodox by chance? I studied the Greek Orthodox church for a year and actually wrote a chapter for a interfaith book on an Orthodox-Christian community so am very excited by that - they have such an immersive, meaningful liturgy that I have very deep respect for.
So let's get to the poem!
Bitter tears worn out their faces.
There's something that doesn't quite work for that line, I think "wore" out their faces? or "worn on their faces" would fit better.
Couldn't just take everything away from his creation.
So, besides hope, He left music
If you capitalize "He" you should capitalize "his" -> you can definitely do either depending on your preference for referring to the Divine, but it should be consistent within the piece.
Similarly in one place you use "almighty" and later you say "all mighty" and I think it feels a bit inconsistent, so I'd choose one or the other rather than flip flop.
Livid steam along with joyfull bells
"joyfull" should probably be "joyful" or if you were going for a pun "joy-full". And I'm not sure "livid stream along with joyful bells" makes sense? Are you using "stream" as a verb? Is "livid" being used as a noun? I'm not sure what's going on in that line.
How much greater can it be out there?
I'd choose something a bit more specific than "out there" something more vivid and descriptive.
Overall you did a nice job highlighting this idea that music is a gift from the divine for us to have a foretaste of heaven ~ you also were able to weave in Biblical, modern, and eschatological implications for music which was a neat progression that I really enjoyed.
I'd love more descriptions of the music throughout the piece; I know music in particular is hard to describe, but I bet if you work at it and really brainstorm you can think of some descriptions. There is the echo of the sanctuary, the hums and stops, the out-of-tune congregant who joins in too soon, but just as joyfully as the chanters! You did a lovely job describing the clergy or chanters? not sure what they were in the 4th stanza but I think could fill in a bit those descriptions of music because it is the focus of the poem afterall!
Lovely theological reflection of God's mercy throughout the piece by the way, that was nicely bookended in the poem with it at the beginning and end.
I think another think you could take a second look at is the line breaks and line-length consistency. For a poem about music, you definitely want your poem to flow nicely, and making the line lengths more consistent will assist that!
Overall, this was a lovely happy little poem to read. And definitely reminded me of both my own church and my experiences listening to the ancient melodies of Byzantine chanting.
All the best,
~alliyah
And yep you are right I totally misread steam/stream there, whoops!
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