i told her the rain falls soft here
“and what about that horrid door?”
i don’t know
“to you it’s a place anyone goes,
that damned girl will believe it, too
a heaven existing for only you two”
but the rain is quite nice
“up to some fantasy paradise,
and you think you’re still alive
so off you go, without apology
to a girl you spare no honesty”
my eyes can see it, and my heart
i feel the delicate tails of grasses
“this world will slowly disintegrate,
our bodies will be given and decayed
so your swelling heart will fade away
nothing awaits, and you will never awake”
rain rain, go away
come again another day.
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140,073 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hello! I'm here to review your poem!
This is really great! Wow, it really gets me thinking about things I would never think about otherwise. That is so great. I mean it gives a person a lot to think about. Life ends, it doesn't last forever and that is such a hard think about. Like wow, you just got me in my emotions shoot!
I also really like the format, because I can tell the difference between the thoughts and what you are actually saying. Really great job! I will be reading more of your work!
_ From your friend,
@PlainandSimple _
Hello Anamel! Thought I’d drop by and talk about your poem for a bit!
To me, this poem represented two people split between the idea of an afterlife/heaven vs. there not being one. The speaker (italicized) has a very carefree voice and demeanor, not really listening to the harsh words of the other speaker. In contrast, the female speaker (in quotes) seems to be harsh and blunt with the truth (or the truth to her) and has a much more pessimistic seeming attitude. This could also possibly be translated to hopes vs. reality/optimism vs. pessimism, as I feel like these speakers held strong opinions and voices differing from one another.
I really liked the idea of rain rain, go away // come again another day as I feel like it captures the slowly fading hope in this poem, and it also makes for an open ending. It’s a creative twist on a common phrase, and I like how you incorporated it with the rest of the poem.
I think my favorite lines are:
The assonance here is very smooth, and I like how each line ended with a familiar sound. These lines had a great flow! It’s almost like they were supposed to rhyme (though the words were pretty different?) but they only shared similar sounds which I think was a more subtle, smart way of keeping a flow and rhythm!
I think I would say this is one of the places in the poem where I struggled to grasp the intention behind it—I feel like since all of the italicized speaker’s words have correlated to rain (ie the motif of the poem) it would have been nice to see it here? Clearly, for this speaker, the rain is different and softer, so how does the relate to tails of grass? It would have been cool to see something about rain/water droplets on grass or something, to really strengthen this idea and make it believable to the reader that the rain really is special here.
I enjoyed this a lot! I feel like this poem held some sadness/hopelessness at the end, because the speaker who gets the last say is really the quoted one (who describes a unappealing future) and the italicized speaker sounds like the one who is possibly giving up or hoping that it’s not true. The conflict between the two speakers definitely set up a strong tension but you still managed to flow from one speaker to the next.
I hope this review was a little helpful! I loved reviewing this!
Hi Anamel!
It was a good read. You said in the description that you didn't have a specific meaning in mind, but well, here's what I think the poem could mean. Here we go—
There seems to be two speakers here, or perhaps, the poem represents the intra-personal conflict of one speaker. Either way, I divided the poem into two parts to get a better sense of what's happening:
The speaker's describing some place, maybe a park/field, where it's raining. They had told someone about this setting, about how nice it is, but they are beginning to doubt it, questioning the setting's perfection. It makes the speaker feel melancholy and so they want the rain to go away.
This voice, as I'll continue to call the narrator within the quotation marks, criticizes the speaker for seeing the park as something absolute, some heaven existing for only [the speaker and that damned girl], and for being dishonest to the girl. (On a different note, I wonder if the voice also throws some shade at "the pearly gates" by calling them "horrid doors.") And then the voice presents the more melancholy possibility that they will end up at no such doors. The voice could be talking about afterlife but it could also be making predictions about the immediate or distant future in the speaker's life. I think that mostly because of these two lines:
Maybe it means alive in the sense of being lively, joyful, motivated. Maybe the voice is arguing that the three mentioned adjectives do not apply to the speaker.
Swelling heart could be a metaphor for the longing for love that the speaker feels — as the voice argues, even that will fade out in time.
But the two divided parts serve a greater meaning when put together in the sequence they originally were in the poem.
We can say the speaker is being defensive against what can be assumed to be their inner voice.
We can see more of that here. The setting may not be perfect but it's not without a trace of goodness.
But the inner voice hits in its darkest yet note. The speaker doesn't present a defense this time. It only wishes the rain to go away, which may be a hint: it's a poem about rain and the dark mindset it has the potential to put us in. So, the inner voice is truly a trail of thoughts that passes through the speaker's mind as they spectate rainfall.
Aaaand that's the review! Have a wonderful day.
~MAS
I love this! Thank you.
You're welcome!