His eyes devour the innards of his pupils;
a hunger who stamps infatuation under his boot,
and possesses an indented face, a pumping heart
a walking fire that cannot be put out.
He comes closer, as if you were the World,
and life was a treacherous stage,
that you are nothing more than a choice
to be annihilated or saved.
A statue, frozen in a circle of phantom eyes
an Ouroboros that appears to never end,
crawling in a muddy tunnel with no light
and a whirlwind of excuses to serve it.
Slave to Saturn, a withering crop for time
“tomorrow I surely will, perhaps next week,
or maybe in the following year, I swear,”
grounded to a field, forced to watch others fly.
He is the Morning Star, a brilliance more than human
juggling destinies and a breakthrough to Fate,
his soul comes closer and then stops:
“don’t you want to be a catalyst?”
A key falls and clatters at your feet,
Your ribcage tightens around your heart,
Breaths coming out in hopeful wisps,
“don’t you want to burn everything that’s beautiful?”
His hand becomes an offer, and with it he holds the Sun,
a globe of immortal and revolutionizing power,
a promise of freedom so close yet so far
“don’t you want to see if you’ll be consumed,
Or transformed?”
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,289 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
I really enjoyed this poem!! It's quite intense, but that really suits the vibe you've got going on. You had great imagery, and the dialogue peppered in as poetic lines was super great too.
One thing I really enjoyed was your word choice. Every decision felt super intentional and really served to continue to build the atmosphere presented in this poem. In your first stanza, words like "devour" and "possesses" are super great at conveying the dark mood of the poem and the sort of monstrous corruption it holds. You have used a less intense verb, but I think the ones you chose did a phenomenal job. They crafted the poem as this sort of inhuman/eldritch terror combined with doomsday, and I really enjoyed reading it.
This poem definitely had the feeling of a corruption arc. The "he" in it seemed like maybe he used to be someone the narrator trusted but then something corrupted him (the thirst for power, maybe?) and now he's only concerned with his goals. It has a distinct end-of-the-world vibe to it as well, I think with the whole thing being called "catalyst" plus that one line of "don't you want to be a catalyst?" I know you marked this as supernatural, but I think it could also be an abstraction/perversion of everyday betrayal/corruption.
Also, I want to commend your storytelling ability! I think it can sometimes be hard to tell a story in poetry form unless it's like, an epic or a tiny little children's rhyme, but you did a great job of maintaining poetic structure while still conveying actions and dialogue. It was super interesting to see how you crafted a really compelling story through the form of a poem, incorporating imagery to show the movement of the scene.
Overall: really nice work! I think this was a super dark and intense poem that was a complete joy to read, and I really hope to read more of your work. Until next time!!
Hey, Zekcede here!
I really like the flow of the story in this poem and the way you use the quotations without them being redundant. My favourite line was "breath coming out in hopeful wisps," its a beautiful line and i think it holds a lot of emotion (that might just be me being dramatic, though).
-Z