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rock or roll

by Anamel

His suitcase is empty, the path is lonely
There’s no money to fill it, no tie to tie,
His face is painted-- ”what a freak!”
The trees grant him not an ounce of shade.

Chalices of blood and honey overflow,
His boots drip with pleasure and snares
Their whispers ripple--”hook, line, and sinker!”
The mists come forth and his wings take form.

He cannot see, yet he refuses to turn back
Until the bridge of land and sky separate,
And what he thinks to be an eternal heaven,
Slowly decays in the scleras of his eyes.

And so, The Magician became The Fool;
And the Fool the outcast Hermit,
Who drops his lantern and runs for comfort,
Shapeshifting into the classic working man.

His suitcase is full, the city is crowded,
Packed with money, a wealthy suit
The man’s heart is empty, wine can’t fill it
No one gives the man a second passing look.

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21 Reviews

Points: 185
Reviews: 21

Thu Nov 21, 2019 10:52 am
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Hereticteen wrote a review...

There is an amazing concept behind this poem! I really like how you expressed different perspectives and found a way to make that "shapeshift" work wonderfully. There is nothing about this poem that I would fix, I think it is written very well in your own style. I would add a period after "snares" but that is just a simple punctuation mistake. This poem would have to be the most unique or outstanding poem I've read in a long while. Keep up the amazing work! There is some true talent here!

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28 Reviews

Points: 76
Reviews: 28

Sat Nov 16, 2019 9:33 pm
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redvictory wrote a review...

I like this a lot! The imagery in this is so vivid and profound. I especially like the ending being a twisted version of the beginning, I'm such a sucker for that kind of thing in writing! This isn't really a criticism, but I would recommend experimenting with the use of capitalization, or lack thereof! I feel like that could add a lot to your poetry. Not much though, you already seem really competent! Awesome work :) I really like the occult-y feeling of the second stanza. Also the tarot references in the second to last stanza did not go unnoticed! Tarot is such an underrated allusion, I'm happy to see it used in a poem as cool as this one! Keep writing!

Anamel says...

Thank you! I have a tarot deck of my own so I'm quite fond of it lol

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1464 Reviews

Points: 83957
Reviews: 1464

Sat Nov 16, 2019 6:22 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...

Hello, Anamel!

I REALLY love this. I love the story behind this and the progression of its narrative through the piece. It comes full circle at the end and ties back beautifully to the starting stanza. I got goosebumps when I finished reading the piece. It was so cool!

The starting stanza immediately started us off with some strong imagery. I kind of wish the last stanza had a phrase about the tie since "no tie to tie" was such a fun thing to read and really stood out. Instead, the conclusion had "a wealthy suit," which is fine but not as interesting as the tie phrase. The final line of that stanza, "The trees grant him not an ounce of shade" also went over my head as we never really seem to revisit this idea.

I like the second stanza and how rebellious and almost demonic he sounds. And in fact, the poem itself progresses into this warped view of the world as the subject's perspective changed over time. It was really cool how the second and third stanza flowed together like that.

This also made the fourth stanza kind of stick out, though, with how blunt it was about the subject turning into the classic working man. It kinda wrote it all out for us there, and it'd be nice for this to be a little more cryptic. The final stanza gives it away well enough in a much more interesting way and beautifully tying back to the beginning, simply flipping everything 180. So the fourth stanza could probably do better leading into that.

I really did love this piece though. It was so fun to read, so well done!!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Anamel says...

Thank you so much! My goal is to always give goosebumps lol

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
— Mo Willems