one leg raised above
the sappy marsh whose sick
laps at my warm blooded
perfectly primed killing machine
beady eyes drift across the coast
wishing to be entranced
by the mimicry of stripes
painted on burnt skin
swarthy pink feathers
no longer a token of pride
ambrosia snakes down
the feet and retreats to sea
instinct intermingles shame
as pity brings dark clouds
hairless beings seek shade
as the flock readies for flight
both mammals: they and we
share two feet, not four
distance shares feather and flesh
a gash separates
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139,362 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
hey Anamel! i'm here with a review for this poem :)
this is a great poem! the feathery phrases seem to be about birds (flamingoes??) fleeing from something or someone. that's at least what i thought of! i have a couple of notes, so let's jump into this "sappy marsh," shall we?
whose sick what? this seems to cut off here.
i like this little bit of alliteration!
i am in love with this whole stanza <3
swarthy is an interesting adjective! i don't think i've ever heard it before.
just saying "the feet" here is a bit confusing here to me. maybe you can go into more detail?
makes me wonder: who are these hairless beings? humans? some other strange creature?
i really like these lines!
in poetry, punctuation is entirely up to the poet, but i think some commas or semi-colons or periods might help this poem flow a bit better? that's just my opinion, of course.
overall, good poem!! i really enjoyed reading it. hope to see more poetry from you in the future! and, if you disliked any parts of this review, feel free to ignore them! this is just my two bits; it's your poem :)
stay safe!
momo
My thoughts on this poem? I believe it has multiple meanings.It could be about a fae creature who looks at humans poorly.The crimson nymph is telling us how they view hairless beings,known as humans.It could also be about someone who likes watching people die and they are amused by it.I hope you have a lovely and fantastical day and night.