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Mephistopheles

by Anamel


He hangs behind ashen branches,
A lowly demon, a lonely man;
With wings bearing rotting fruits,
And a body of a Fallen Angel.

Moonlight gleams around him,
As to not touch his abominated form,
Unwilling to grace his deformed heart,
He does naught but stand in night skies.

Wishing to be seen, yet not to be touched
Not to be heard, or consoled,
Only a shell of who he once was;
The plight of mortals he loved.


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150 Reviews


Points: 12425
Reviews: 150

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Thu Nov 21, 2019 12:59 am
KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hey Anamel! Katja here to review your poem, "Mephistopheles". As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions I make if you find them unhelpful. With that being said, let's get into the review!

Overall Thoughts

Your poem describes the demon, Mephistopheles. I love the second stanza which talks about the moonlight not wanting to touch him- really emphasizes the evil nature of the fallen angel and how even nature itself recoils at his presence.

I love the formal format/style you chose for this poem, it comes off as very professionally done and the poem itself flows smoothly.

Suggestions

More of a thought than anything: the final line ends the poem a bit abruptly in my opinion. No error in this, I just am not sure that the conclusion feels final, if that makes sense?

I don't have any suggestions for you today~

Summary

Your poem is well-written and comes off as professionally done- the format and style pair well with the subject and overall I really enjoyed this piece. The dark and foreboding imagery really emphasizes the traits of the character Mephistopheles. Very nicely done!

My favorite part of your poem...

A lowly demon, a lonely man;


This line contrasts two conflicting sides of the character- a "lowly demon" and a "lonely man" and really stood out to me. Nicely done~

I hope my review was helpful~

Keep Writing,

~Katja




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Points: 253
Reviews: 16

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Sun Oct 27, 2019 7:33 am
Lionhero333 wrote a review...



I like this a lot. It gave me the inspiration I need to come up with something fresh and new. I dont know if you've written stories or only do poems but I think this could be a very good short story, or novella, or novel.

The writing was easy and flowed well. It was easy to picture the scene and picture this, lowly demon. Really good work.




Anamel says...


Thank you



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5 Reviews


Points: 562
Reviews: 5

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Sun Oct 27, 2019 6:03 am
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alittlelost says...



Absolutely adore the descriptions and words used; the line ‘with wings bearing rotting fruits’ was truly amazing. The scene was set magically and tastefully. Regardless I find this creature (as well as your words, to be honest) entrancing and would love to read more. :)




Anamel says...


thank you, perhaps I will make a short story about him in the future



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Points: 214
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Mon Oct 21, 2019 1:30 am
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ColdOne says...



I really enjoy this. You found a way to beautifully describe one of the most foul though of creature now-a-days. That was only the first reason though. The second reason is because, I always was, and probably always will be, fascinated by anything to do with angles and demons. Also have you ever seen the show Good Omens? I think you would like it based off of your work.




Anamel says...


Thank you! And no, I have not but I will check it out




Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday