Young Writers Society

I really like this! It puts the struggle of the need for perfectionism very well. I don't have many tips for structure, but there are a couple that could be called that...?

"Creativity comes in a sterile white package..." This line is perfect. A strong start to a strong poem. Aaa I love it. Bless.

"The way it speaks and how its voice shakes..." The structure of this line is a little odd? You could combine the two parts of this poem into one to make it more effective. You could try something more like, "When it speaks, its voice shakes", "The way its voice shakes when it speaks", or something like that.

"Perfection announces his presence/Raps on the door, taps on the window, trails winding halls" No critiques for this line, I just love it. Very good very good.

"I loathe him and I love him--/The more I think of subduing him/Yet I cannot escape". This doesn't really work? I can't tell if the middle line I is to expand on the line before or after it. If it's to the line before, you could definitely remove the "--" from the end to make that more clear. If it's to the line below, it's grammatically incorrect. Maybe try something like "The more I think of subduing him, the less I can escape"?

"The indomitable taste of judge and executioner/His power, mine own/You see, I could crush his skull if I so chose." These last few lines are incredible and very powerful. I really love them. However, the last line ends on a bit of a wishy-washy note. You could add a final line like "But I don't". Something to drive across the point that you aren't choosing, or you can't choose just yet. The reason it's still something that plagues you.

Overall, incredible poem!! I really enjoyed your use of imagery to create a view of perfectionism that's both inanimate/industrial and powerful/frightening. Great job!

Hi I'm here to leave a short review

So first I want to start by saying that I love the way how you started it off with
"Creativity comes in a sterile white package"
That's one of my favorite lines but my favorite line is "I could crush his skull if so chose"

I love that "if I so chose"

You did very well with this poem, I really enjoyed reading this poem.


Keep up the good work!-BrokenHeartAri

I don’t have the words!
The ironic description of creativity is on point, and remarking on its imperfection is so beautiful to me.
My interpretation, I guess?: creativity comes in a sterile package because we’re fed ‘creativity’ by professionals on tv whose arts are restricted by the laws of society. The miscoloring and shaking are creativity's natural, necessary weaknesses, which we instinctively reject. The next bit isn’t so clear to me, the part I get is the loathing and loving of perfection at the thought of subduing him. But what does the last bit mean? It’s very well written, and I can feel the emotion brimming beneath every line.
Your bittersweet understandings of both perfection and creativity are simultaneously impressive and relatable.
Great work is an understatement. How can you make a flower of creativity in the very sentence you denounce it to be vacuum-packed?
Congratulations, then! This deserves to be marveled at.