Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Horror

Violence

lovebug

by Anamel


The beginning was blurry,
I couldn’t remember,
as if it were some faraway dream.

My neck strains, my bones snap,
there was a body, but no head,
I heard a voice, yet no one spoke.

A kiss of raw Winter grazes my back,
the white room slides beneath my feet,
grey fingers latch onto my twisted arms,
a jester’s smirk utters sweet words,
and the scalpel comes close.

Red lanterns of flesh and blood bob,
Skipping in joyous snowglobes
Her soul-windows hang from thin worms
The beat of her heart suffices to none,
Her blood tastes like acid and copper
And her body is useless for origami
It looked so much more beautiful attached
The Right Hand of death clatters to the floor
And meshed are her lips to mine

Water trickles down my throat,
an abyss is all I see,
I screamed to God and was silenced
By a soft and warm hand,
That almost felt like my own.

My legs move on their own,
And we are bound by a red thread
Fear chokes me, but my heart doesn’t beat,
By a single body, her True Fate, my only love
I’ve forgotten how to speak,
And rising forward, our torsos bend and stretch
Tears well in my chest, I can’t find my eyes,
I share the innocence stolen from an angel
A horror, a devil, I’ve been made a monster.

It is an idyllic dream come true
A nightmare I will never escape.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
17 Reviews


Points: 552
Reviews: 17

Donate
Fri Dec 06, 2019 7:20 pm
View Likes
Softballgirl333 wrote a review...



Hello Anamel!

I am here to help, not hurt, so I hope I am not too critical. You can take my suggestions or not, I just hope this is helpful.

For once I don't have much to say or critique over. First I would love to say fantastic job. At first I was really confused by the jump from the Italics to the Bold, but when you combined them, everything made sense. This was really well done and the picture came completely together in the end.

One thing I would suggest is splitting the cold stanza up into two because it feels like there is a natural break in there, and it slows down the poem. The second thing is I would add some more definite punctuation through the second stanza because otherwise it feels really jumpy and can get slightly confusing at times with all of the different pictures. Adding this punctuation adds clarity for when one picture end and the next one begins.

Lastly the alternating stanza at the end was probably my favorite part of the entirety of the poem because it feels as if they are talking at the same time, and seeing their thought processes back to back is really cool. The dream/nightmare comparison in the ending two lines round out this poem really well. Overall, really well done and I am excited to see other works from you.

Happy Writing,
SBG




Anamel says...


Thank you I will implement your feedback and I appreciate the review :)



User avatar
127 Reviews


Points: 128
Reviews: 127

Donate
Thu Dec 05, 2019 5:25 am
View Likes
nogutsnoglory wrote a review...



Hi hi, Vomit here to review!

As far as a horror poem goes, this is fantastic. The description is eerie, especially when coupled with the title, and the form is impeccable, and everything really lends itself to leaving the reader with a feeling of unease.

However, I'm a bit confused by the seemingly random bolding of certain parts. They don't really stand out from the rest of the poem as far as description or theme goes, so I don't really see why they're being highlighted by bolding.

I really like the allusion to the red thread of fate, and I feel like that really ties the poem together (sorry, had to :P).

Overall, this poem was really well written, and there's not a whole lot wrong with it besides the issue mentioned above.

Keep writing,

- V




Anamel says...


Thank you, and the bold is to distinct from the two people speaking. The bold is the creepy kidnapper while the italics are the girl.




I'm also not sure why but even though I normally wear cool tones I have a feeling red would have been my color in the 1860s.
— Elinor