Forgotten memories, fading into darkness
Can’t help but not feel,
When I have no heart.
Fading into you, becoming non-existent
Fighting for love,
But what is love really?
Walking towards you,
I can feel that I am part of you
My friends are nothing but illusions,
Why it must be me?
Why can’t I be my own person?
My summer, the last 7 days.
You’re lucky, Sora.
It seems like my summer vacation is over.
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138,256 Literary Works • 672,091 Reviews
Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
So, the first thing I noticed when reading this poem is that some places are missing commas and things alike while others are not. I have said this before and will say it again, either you have grammar or you do not in a poem. End of story. Anyways, the lines that would need some commas would be "Forgotten memories, fading into darkness", "Fading into you, becoming non-existent" and "I can feel that I am part of you". Other then that, the poem was nice and I liked how you made the last two lines italacised ((I can never spell that word)).
And the meaning of the poem? Its about memories of a person you hope to not forget. Or maybe you want to forget them but are struggling too? Who knows, only you do!
Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! So, happy Valentines Day ! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Annnd I think he brought a dinosaur to life. Great. Anyways, Cheerio and fruit loops to you!
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
I'm crying now, are you happy? Anyways You did really well with this.
"Forgotten memories, fading into darkness
Can’t help but not feel,
When I have no heart." There shouldn't be a comma after 'memories'.
"Walking towards you,
I can feel that I am part of you
My friends are nothing but illusions,
Why it must be me?" There is no need for a comma after 'you' and 'illusions'.
From what I can see you don't have any more grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.