Name: Hailey
Age: 17 (turning 18)
Height: 5'6
Hair: Strawberry Blonde
Type of hairstyle: Straight, but she sometimes do it in a phony tail
Eyes: Light Blue
Race: Human
Clothes: Professional
Sex: Female
Lives: In Los Angeles
Personalities: Flirty, Charming, Sweet, and Outgoing
Sexual preference: Opposite sex
Complexion: Pale
Weight: 129
Birth Date: July 7, 1996
Social Class: Too sexual that the men who want or don't want to shag her, but classy to her boyfriend.
Occupation: Principal's helper (She's a student)
Guardians: Gary(father), Gary's wife(her step-mother), and Sidney(her mother)
Siblings: She have one twin brother named Cole in her father's house. However, she have more siblings like Tinkerbelle
Hobbies: Hang out with friends, Playing with her boyfriend, and tried to hook up with other men
Religion: None
Quirks: She get paranoid when she gets high
Food: Pizza
Color: Red
Drink: Soda
Music: Romantic and pop music
Activity: Have fun while having a Hall Pass and swing her hair to get the men to come to her.
Mission: Shag guys with a Hall Pass and tried to get her to stop thinking about her boyfriend.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
I'm with Willow. This really should be posted elsewhere.
I'm guessing Hailey is a high school student that likes to 'shag' guys.
has more
What's the issue with the boyfriend. Hmm. That's all I can really review.
Well, keep writing
-lost
Hello, KatyaElefant here to review. Let's see what we have here.
So when I look at the age, I see that she is soon turning 18. This leads to wonder at what time does the story start? Does it begin 2 months before, 3 months before because different people think of soon as different things. Continuing, I think race is talking about what skin color she has. Is she African American, Asian, Caucasian or something else?
If her clothes are professional, what kind of professional are they? Are they business professional or semi-professional. Does she wear some type of uniform. Elaborate on this topic, a bit more.
When you say the weight, you need so the units. I know, I sound like your math teacher, but you need to do this or your readers will think that they may weigh 129 kilograms or 129 tons. XD
When you talk about the social class, you want to say if she is preppy or nerdy or something else. She sounds like a preppy girl to me. When you described this, you said,
" Too sexual that the men who want or don't want to shag her, but classy to her boyfriend."
What you need to say, to make this sound much better is "{Very} sexual. She makes all the boys around want to shag her, no matter how innocent they are. In contrast, she is very classy to her boyfriend". Also, a note I want to say is that I want to learn more about her boyfriend, what he is like and how he feels about Hailey.
More grammar issues in the hobbies section. The parallel structure here sucks. You need to say, " She likes hanging out with friends, playing with her boyfriend(how does she do this please explain), and hooking up with other men." Also I think she must have more hobbies than this. She should have a secret love for golf or something.
When you describe her favorite food, color, just about anything, put favorite in front of it so that the people who read this get the point. Now at the last part, I was really confused. Her mission makes no sense and that is not a good plot line. You need to have a little extra tab about her boyfriend and their relationship because I am really confused about that. Again, you need a better mission for your character.
Lastly, the favorite activity is a bit confusing. I still don't get the thing about the hall pass but I can help you with the second part. You need to say it like this, "Favorite Activity: She likes to swing her hair to get hot guys to come to her."
All in all, you have a good start to a story and the character sounds pretty good. She sounds like someone that will have a lot of hardships in the future. Good job. Keep writing.
I'm not really sure how to review this, and I'm pretty sure this should be posted somewhere else...
Anyways...
Last name?
*does *pony
You need a unit! What, is it in ounces, pounds, what?
That's really all I have for you.
Nice character!
WillowPaw1~