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137,699 Literary Works • 672,062 Reviews
I keep finding a bunch of poem titles that interest me and then when I click on them to give a review, all it says is "Deleted"! So...here is a review for this deleted...
Deleted. All the things it could mean. Deep down inside, you could be hurting about the death of a loved one and how their life was deleted. Or perhaps you deleted your subscription to a favorite magazine. Maybe somebody accidentally deleted your homework. I guess we'll never know, but this poem does need some more details. just saying, "Deleted" isn't enough. Maybe adding forever would entice your readers further.
Perhaps add even more...
You get the idea...
Happy Review Day!
yubbies21
That awkward moment when I step in all excited to review this- and then there's nothing here.
But you know, deleted is just such a deep, meaningful word. I think you should add some more description though...
JK.
Hey there!
I'm really digging this poem! It's short and very to the point. I think the person before me got most of the punctuation down so I won't delve into that although, personally, I don't mind poetry that doesn't quite follow all the rules, but that's just me.
The only typo I've found is:
"I guess I'm to simple" and the "to" just needs to be "too"
I love all of the imagery you have going on here, especially in the first stanza. I'm not sure why, but I really like:
"They line up bricks
and stencil their walls"
I feel like I've had similar thoughts many times when regarding the prospect of "nations" and "countries." I feel like the way you put it makes the idea of segregating the world seem that much more trivial and childish. It literally makes me think of a group of stuffy old people sitting in front of a giant map of the world and saying, "Okay, we'll draw a line here, and here, and here, and then we'll just surround it with a wall. And that part is all mine." It really made me think of some kindergarten-like scenario, so thank you for brightening my morning a tad with that mental flash. I definitely chuckled.
Anyway, great job with this! Keep up the good work.
Punctuation baby
I think you should have a semicolon for that last one instead because it was hard to read that line with the way you placed the words.
Ok Ok I owe you a better review. And I also like finding excuses to procrastinate.
SO the thing with these lines, is that they're very imagery-ic imaginic... imageryistatic, imagistic, ... ok.. full of imagery. Which is nice. It seems like a good simile however.. what is the simile for? What is a symbol of silk? Thats the problem I get from the top lines.
I really like the rest.
for some reason I feel like this needs a capital yet it doesn't.. it just looks funny.. I don't know why. Also that's like saying "Riddle of politics", is that the phrasing you want? You don't want 'a' or anything?
I think the next stanza stays true to your message and carrys on the conundrum, I like it.
Edited~~~~~~~