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E - Everyone

glitter used to stick to my skin

by marms



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6 Reviews


Points: 47
Reviews: 6

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Sun May 21, 2017 12:27 am
TheChristianWriter wrote a review...



I always expect the best in people's work. This was very good in many ways. I like your vocabulary and use of descriptive words. However, I feel like it could be better. Perhaps separating it a little by using stanzas may help. I feel like the title of this also could have been more creative.I would suggest not using a sentence in the poem as your title. Most of the time, I try to avoid that myself. I hope this helps! God Bless!




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80 Reviews


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Reviews: 80

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Fri May 19, 2017 4:06 pm
Thisislegacy wrote a review...



Legacy here for a review.

You use imagery in this piece to your benefit. I wish you would have used stanza breaks though for it to be read easier. I recommend using a stanza break every time you explain something else. Stanza breaks are important because it gives the reader a chance to take a small break and reread what they just read if they need to and to compose themselves before they read the next stanza.

I would use "venturing" instead of "venture" in the first line.

I would use "the shimmering" instead of "shimmery" when you talk about the bath water.

You use a large vocabulary, which can be good, but make sure that your audience can understand what you are saying, whomever that may be.

Overall, only a few edits are needed and then it would be a final copy. Make sure that your tenses stay the same throughout the whole poem and that you use stanza breaks when needed (when you start to describe something new). Legacy.




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Points: 0
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Fri May 19, 2017 7:49 am
Sweetsinger says...



Love your expression...
Hate the feeling it gives me...cause I feel like a tangled mess and well its bad




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Points: 175
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Fri May 19, 2017 5:13 am
Kingofnate says...



Damn.




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54 Reviews


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Thu May 18, 2017 9:41 pm
Midnightmoon wrote a review...



Hi there! I love this poem! I only have a few things I'd like to point out. It's just a few spelling errors. Sorry, but I'm a nitpick about that. :).

The first line, first word. I would just put an "ing" on the end. I think it sounds better than "venture".

"Venturing deep into myself again." The "Again" at the end would make more sense if you put the "ing" on the first word.

Second; I would just change "cowered" to "Cowering." Just me though, I think it makes more sense that way.

Third; I would just put "the" between "With" and "Shimmery" I think it makes it flow a little better.

That was all, and a great poem! Hope this helped some, and sorry for the nitpicks if they bother you!





Doors are for people with no imagination.
— Skulduggery Pleasant