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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
I always expect the best in people's work. This was very good in many ways. I like your vocabulary and use of descriptive words. However, I feel like it could be better. Perhaps separating it a little by using stanzas may help. I feel like the title of this also could have been more creative.I would suggest not using a sentence in the poem as your title. Most of the time, I try to avoid that myself. I hope this helps! God Bless!
Legacy here for a review.
You use imagery in this piece to your benefit. I wish you would have used stanza breaks though for it to be read easier. I recommend using a stanza break every time you explain something else. Stanza breaks are important because it gives the reader a chance to take a small break and reread what they just read if they need to and to compose themselves before they read the next stanza.
I would use "venturing" instead of "venture" in the first line.
I would use "the shimmering" instead of "shimmery" when you talk about the bath water.
You use a large vocabulary, which can be good, but make sure that your audience can understand what you are saying, whomever that may be.
Overall, only a few edits are needed and then it would be a final copy. Make sure that your tenses stay the same throughout the whole poem and that you use stanza breaks when needed (when you start to describe something new). Legacy.
Love your expression...
Hate the feeling it gives me...cause I feel like a tangled mess and well its bad
Damn.
Hi there! I love this poem! I only have a few things I'd like to point out. It's just a few spelling errors. Sorry, but I'm a nitpick about that.
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The first line, first word. I would just put an "ing" on the end. I think it sounds better than "venture".
"Venturing deep into myself again." The "Again" at the end would make more sense if you put the "ing" on the first word.
Second; I would just change "cowered" to "Cowering." Just me though, I think it makes more sense that way.
Third; I would just put "the" between "With" and "Shimmery" I think it makes it flow a little better.
That was all, and a great poem! Hope this helped some, and sorry for the nitpicks if they bother you!