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Okay, so first of all I really enjoyed the concept/theme of this poem. You have some lovely metaphors going!
However I would suggest that you mix up the metaphors and similes. While in your second stanza there are only metaphors, the third stanza contains only similes. I felt like, although this is a very minor issue, the poem would have a nicer flow if you mixed it up.
I absolutely love the phrases "stellar spectacles", "ever-questioning mind", and "held me like a comet." These are wonderful. This poem truly captures the infinite mysterious feeling of the universe.
Sometimes a word feels a little out of place or a tiny bit off. In this poem overwhelming feels a little odd. Maybe it's just me but perhaps try experimenting with other words???
Alright that's it for this semi-awkwardly phrased review. I hope it helped a tiny bit.
-Snippyfemme
This sorta reminds me of Guardians of the Galaxy. It would make for a great start for a love story where the main female character saves the one she falls for from floating off into the void of space. But, can I recommend capitalizing the start of a sentence or line? I personally believe that capitalization will help you out.
If you want story ideas or help I'm open. Sorry if I'm being pushy.
Heya, Marmalade! Casanova here to do a review for you!
Okay, first off I'd like to start off saying how much I enjoyed this poem. You take something as endless as love and use something as endless as the universe to match it. It's really refreshing, and I just have a couple of ideas that you could either use or not use- your choice!
First off- I would suggest diversing your imagery here. As Audy said you use a couple more than once- and I would like to see you expand on more. What I mean is- the universe has more than just stars. Planets, comets, black holes, white holes, etc. I would love to see you enhance this poem by including not only the good, but the bad of it. But this is just a suggestion. Anyway, onward.
Although this entirety is metaphorical, I find these two things to be contradictory. First he holds stars in his hands- then he his a star. This is the only real problem I had with the poem, and thought I would point it out as the imagery is a bit conflicting.
This right here was my favourite, and in my opinion, easily the best lines out of the poem.
Anyway, I think that's all I have. Overall I didn't find anything really wrong with the poem. I hope this helped!
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
Thanks
There are 2 mentions of the word galaxy, 3 mentions of star(ry), 1 mention of universe. So basically stars and space and stars in this poem. I don't think the poem needs to have lofty words or anything to be successful, but I do feel at least in this poem the image gets kind of tired and exhausted. I feel bored at the end.
I appreciate the narrator's voice, there is a sweetness, a soft wistful soothing tone and there is definitely a lot of love in the lines referring to "him" and this I love about your poems, Marm. There is a lot of passion, a lot of love and these emotions definitely shine and come across. I enjoyed the grains of sugar and salt on the hands, there is a tangible quality to those lines that stick out because the rest of it is more vague-words/purely imagery related words. The sugar and salt on the hands feel a lot more tactile.
I like the idea too of a person you admire so much that there is a note of fear at the end, like a small voice or insecurity almost whispering, almost pleading: what if I lose this person? or I think another reading could be I never had this person to begin with! and that is cool because stars are such a distant, far-off thing.
My only suggestion - mind your cliches! Hope this helps.
~ as always, Audy
Thanks Audy!