12+

tightrope of distances

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User avatar
Frinderman
Comment

I don't have much to say, but this is a great poem. You always seem to express your themes very well, making it look easier than it really is and it always inspires me to do better with my own work.
Hope you have a great day! ^-^

The last two lines I think a repetitive "I am" would hit harder. "I am not a tightrope walking acrobat. I am tired." But that's just me.

I have an odd love of semi-colons and I appreciate that they fit well with your work.

"I promise I'm trying to forget and live again" I love this.

"I think I tied a string onto you when I wasn't looking" Reminds me a bit like holding on to someone who's just going to keep hurting you (emotionally, mentally, etc.).
"when I wasn't" seems a bit awkward here, though. Maybe "without looking"?

I enjoy the staggering and repetition of the word "down". Nice visual effect, as is the image of the (not) tightrope walker at the end.

I enjoyed reading this a lot.

User avatar
Werthan
Review
Werthan wrote a review · Fri Feb 17, 2017 6:33 am

So, do you die when you fall off the tightrope of distances, since you're trying to live again and you keep tumbling down? I also like the nice illustration. The fact that the person habitually walks the tightrope of distances yet says "i am not a tightrope walking acrobat" is rather profound in my opinion as well. It addresses that there's (potentially) a difference between doing and being, even habitually, which is interesting since I often see those conflated in more modern contexts (such as with the popular concept of addiction, which isn't necessarily conflation, but often is). The person just asserts that line unequivocally, like it's not even a question, and I don't see that done a lot either really, at least in the context of "I am (not) this". Despite asserting that unequivocally, the theme is stated right at the beginning from the first line: "relapse back to old acquaintances". So it's a paradox regarding willpower (to assert that one is not able to do something) vs. lack of willpower (to not be able to do something) as well. The doodle at the bottom is also a nice touch that matches with the concrete poetry elements.



Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
— Mark Twain