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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
FELLOW POET
Good evening. Let me commend you on a few accounts, and also give you some suggestions for further growth. Keep in mind these are all opinions of mine and I don't consider myself to be an expert in the slightest; all my knowledge comes from poetry I've written and studied over the course of my time-- and I'm only 17! Poetry is so subjective it's like, how do you even review it? Nevertheless, here are my thoughts:
There are times when lack of capitalization is appropriate for a piece, and I think this is definitely one of those times. Fine choice there.
I think this poem is appealing to the eye as well; short, sweet, and well spaced. Not every line is a single thought, and some sentences start on the ends of previous lines. Poets like that. That's nice. Woohoo
Not exactly sure why the final line is crossed off? Obviously for effect, but there seems to be a lack of context, so I as a reader am not fully understanding it. Maybe it's just my incompetence. Not sure. But aesthetically another pleasing feature.
A word choice I found weak: "coated"-- maybe it seems weak in comparison to the next few words you chose, like "adorned" and "infatuation". Classical, romantic words. "coated" throws that off-kilter, so try to be consistent, I would suggest.
"told me i was worth more"---> more than what? Nit-picky, but it drives my curiosity. Maybe that's the intention. If so, leave it.
"he let the ringlets hug his fingers" YESSSS I LOVE IT THE IMAGERY, THE PERSONIFICATION, BEAUTIFUL
"spring into the air"
okay, kind of a weak phrase in my opinion, after that lovely picture of a curled strand of hair 'round a loved one's gentle finger. The moment is too subtle and moving for us to be suddenly "sprung into the air". Does that make sense? Another one of my mere opinions.
You are on your way to great things, my friend. Take or leave my comments, whatever you decide! I do enjoy this piece. Mighty fine!
Thanks for the review!
wow, I think you did pretty awesome!
hi their this is MagicAce and I am here to review your work!
so first I would like to say I really liked the way you explained everything and "I fell for the boy who touched my hair and told me I was worth more" I really liked that, the only thing is that in "i fell for the boy"
their should be a capital "I" before "fell" and "told me i" that "I" at the end should also be capitalized and before "hair" their should be a comma I do believe but other then that and a few more capitalization problems I think it was great!
so keep writing and have a nice day!
MagicAce out!
Hi there, Kat here!
)
I did enjoy reading this poem very much. It was full of imagery, which added a great affect to it. I especially liked how you crossed the last line off, adding a sort of emphasis onto it. I'm not sure that there is anything I would improve about it as it is an overall beautiful poem. I look forward to reading more from you!
Best of Wishes,
Your Friend, Katrina Kimberly (aka Kitty