from the perspective of the broken one

by Charm

Published October 1, 2017

E - Everyone

In Poetry 2017

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
Lumi
Review
Lumi wrote a review Review · Oct 6, 2017

Title game is strong. Formatting is adorable and really marketable. I'm not sure about the use of 'prophecies' but you make it marketable, again, through the use of another line. The needle imagery doesn't fit at all, love, and needs a bit of reworking. There are other addictions. The needle is just too sudden, dark, hard, and metallic.

All my best,
Ty

Charm replied · Oct 6, 2017

Yeah I sort of didn't know what to do with that last stanza. I'm thinking of getting rid of certain fonts and maybe just keeping the cursive font. Thanks for your tips Lumi! It's always appreciated <3

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DeerInBacPac
Review
DeerInBacPac wrote a review Review · Oct 4, 2017

The wording was excellent and the way you changed the font highlighted the words meanings even more, adding a sense of strength. It's easy to see from your writing that you put your heart and soul into it, maybe even taking from your actual life. The moment I started reading it I was hooked! The writing is smooth and captivating as well. Keep up the fantastic work! -Flumadiddle

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Ishan212
Review
Ishan212 wrote a review Review · Oct 2, 2017

Hi marms
I am Ishan212 and I am here to review your poem from the perspective of the broken one. So here we get started.

It can easily be understood from your poem that you really really feel your poems. As a result, they convey a lot lot of meaning.

In your poem, a lover tells a naive girl what love is and tries to explain it. However, love can't and will never be explained.

Bit by bit, the lover tells the girl rajy live is much more than prophecies and theories, one reads in books.

He also tells the girl what a lover is and how to recognize one.

The poem ends up with the girl being told that love does not bear happy results, always. As when it is one sided.

I really felt your poem and it conveyed a lot of meaning to me. The reference to needles and that to addictions made your poem much more fantastic.
It was really a very very good poem.

However I did not get the point in using cursive and italics for certain words. Is it to emphasize them?
But in any ways the poem was the one try t is truly felt while writing and reading.

Thank You
Keep Writing!!!
Ishan

Charm replied · Oct 2, 2017

thank you!

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bluebird Review
bluebird wrote a review Review · Oct 2, 2017

Hi! My name's bluebird and this will be my first review so we'll see how this goes :).

First of all, I love your poem. It feels sweeping, graceful and artistic. It really gives off this forlorn, typewriter vibe that I love. The font and lack of capitalization help to contribute to the theme as well as just making this more interesting to the reader. The writing pulls you along and flows beautifully, and the imagery is just lovely. I'll admit I don't know too much about Savannah Brown but I'll definitely be looking into her work after reading your poem!

Overall, this is great. If I had to offer criticism (which is the point of these reviews, I think), I would say that the third paragraph is the weakest. This is because you state "it's not easy to define", but then define it right after. If this is purposeful, I apologize. If not, I would try to change the statement to something about how this wasn't the broken one's experience or another way you can imagine.

If I haven't made it clear enough, I really enjoyed reading this. I can't wait to see more of your poems!

- bluebird

Charm replied · Oct 2, 2017

thanks so much for your review! Savannah Brown is a poet on Youtube. she's great you should definitely check her out!

do you know watsky?

Charm replied · Oct 2, 2017

i've heard of him

User avatar
Rook
Comment
Rook commented Comment · Oct 1, 2017

baby don't hurt me

Charm replied · Oct 1, 2017

xD

Charm replied · Oct 1, 2017

i need a better title hahaha



You can do it, serpent king!
— Rhett McLaughlin