Young Writers Society

Hello! Haraya here with a review!

First of all, I don't think I can fully critique all the details in this poem so I'll just emphasize on word choice and imagery. Second, as I said in another review, I think I tend to be blunt so do take my words with a grain of salt!

WORD CHOICE:

In the first stanza, you used pleasantry. Pleasantry means a form of banter or greeting. I don't understand how a dream can be about those kinds of interactions suddenly becoming nightmares. If I'm not mistaken, I think you're supposed to mean how dreams go from pleasant to nightmarish. I think you need to improve on the wording for this.

Another is blabble, in "the blabble of children." I looked up blabble and it shows that it's either an informal word for a kind of chatter or a misspelling of babble. If you actually meant to use blabble, I suggest to consider using babble if using it changes nothing much in your poem. It would make it easier for your readers.

Lastly is switch in "switch of scissors." I don't think you meant replacing scissors, so I interpreted it like making a quick movement, as if flicking a switch. While such word usage exists, I looked it up and that word usage is actually archaic. Unless you really think this is the best word for what you want to convey, I suggest replacing it.

IMAGERY:

You likened squeezing a hand to how you squeeze a wet sponge. I understand that it's easy to press a sponge in your fist, hence the simile, but making it a wet sponge makes it feel out of place. I'm thinking you wanted it to mean how a squeezing wet sponge is like squeezing a sweaty hand, but when you squeeze a wet sponge, it can start to drip and get messy. I don't think this is the image you wanted. I suggest to reconsider this.

Another is "soft bear trap." Here I think you wanted it to mean to be dangerously but comfortably trapped. While it can work, I think it's not vivid because it can't easily imagined how a dangerous, spiky trap be soft. I think you have to be more specific with this image.

That's all! Hope my review helps!

I love this so much <333

This poem is so eloquent and elegant. Not only did I love the rhyming and structure, but I also added the message behind the poem from a seemingly simple thing to something that actually proves to hold a deeper meaning. Additionally, the repetition that you have used using the phrase 'why do I fear it' supports the transformation of the poem from start to finish.

The first stanza I thought was a great introduction to the rest of the poem. The little commentary as well put into brackets throughout the poem adds a very abstract and free-thinking tone as well which is excellent.

I can't suggest any improvements and I loved this! Also, is it love? Rejection, maybe?

Great job on this!