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Dreamspeak

by manilla



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61 Reviews


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Reviews: 61

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Sun Feb 24, 2019 2:44 am
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OofOof1 wrote a review...



Hola, you are in huge luck because I'm reviewing this beautiful poem.

Okay so, I really liked the stanzas a lot because the really help the reader understand the poem or by giving them something organized to read. also I love the first two lines of your first stanza, they make me feel something good. That's said about the first sentences of your stanza I don't get how a pillow can be moist, if you have time can you please explain that for me, I just really want to know.

In the second stanza oh, this is where your poem really gets into the describing stages and all that juicy adjectives and adverbs and figurative language and sensory language that make a poem a poem. And that really happened in your poem so I'm very happy for that.

In the third stanza the first sentence, I may or may not understand that your character or whoever is dreaming is dancing in that dream, is that right? Anyway if that is then I'm a great at guessing and you did a great job describing it without telling the reader that your character is just dancing. That is a very good part of your poem.

Okay so in stanza four I believe that your character is having a good conversation with somebody that the reader doesn't know about. The character that is having this dream, or the stranger that is having this dream, says that their words are gold. So would that mean that they are talking very good, is that what they're trying to say? Sorry, the reason I'm asking so many questions is because I'm really interested in your poem, because you did an absolutely great job. So does it mean that?

In stanza five I am guessing this is the classic dream when everybody is flying. Honestly I don't like those dream so much because I'm afraid of heights, but thankfully we're not talking about High stuff right now. So anyway back to my review. I really like this stanza (not out of all the stanzas, but before a few stanzas).

That's all the feedback and all the questions I can ask and give, for now. I just wanted to say one last time that you did an absolutely great job on this beautiful piece of art that should belong in some kind of publishing place like Scholastic, it's just my opinion. Anyway I'll see you later, bye.




manilla says...


Thank you for your review! I do submit to Scholastic every single year, and you should try so as well.



manilla says...


Also - A pillow is moist because of tears.



OofOof1 says...


So the character was crying, that makes sense. Also how do you submit to Scholastic, if I knew how to do that I would have done it every single month maybe every single day.



manilla says...


Scholastic is a yearly competition - The 2020 competitions are coming up in a few months after they announce the 2019 national winners(!). You can create an account easily to create your piece under certain genre guidelines, and hope for the best. I'll write a profile post about this later detailing this.



OofOof1 says...


Okay, thanks



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Thu Feb 21, 2019 11:38 pm
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This is amazing! It has rhythm and flows throughout the whole poem. Everything makes sense! I would definitely recommend it to read. Keep writing! You made great edits to it and I love your descriptions. They greatly help me visualize everything in this poem and help the flow. I also love how the whole poem bases on a fantasy. My only note is just a slight hint of repetition but really not that noticeable. Your poem is captivating and I hope you continue writing.




manilla says...


Thank you!



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109 Reviews


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Tue Feb 19, 2019 1:27 am
manilla says...



*FIXED* Note - two stanzas before the last one are copied twice oops




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Tue Feb 19, 2019 1:08 am
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AmadeusW wrote a review...



I like this poem. I like the high fantasy elements of it. The language and the rhyme and the rhythm flow nicely, and are very well thought-out. Now, there are just a few things that stood out to me edit-wise.
First, some of these lines need periods to show that they are sentences that start and finish.
Second, and I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but there are two stanzas that are copied twice. "With dreamspeak, and we slip", followed by "Euphoric dreamspeak...reality to hit", are pasted twice. Was this intentional?
Lastly: the word "rogue" in the second stanza doesn't seem to fit. Is there a different word you are looking for?

Good job on this. I liked reading it.




manilla says...


Thanks for the review! The repetition was a mistake lol



manilla says...


Thanks for the review! The repetition was a mistake lol




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