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E - Everyone


by manilla

A/N - Breaks in the poem's flow for the last two stanzas are intentional. Enjoy!


My "oh, maybe" is not a yes,

You cannot make me like rest,

Decisions are monsters,

I'm not the model daughter-

So don't expect me to be the girl

That everyone like me ends up to be.


But you haven't tried it, you can't say

To stay away from what's next today,

So sign this contract, 

And time will tell if you can retract.


Have you ever been cursed by a lackluster state of being, that takes and takes and takes and

No one can stop it from affecting what you do?

The dreaded type where one can't tell what is done by their own hand,

Alas, in the end, the only remaining feeling is regret; a mourning rue.


Yet have you experienced victory, the floating kind that gives and gives and gives and 

Blesses you, deems you remembered because you simply dared--

To reach beyond what you knew, to finally understand?

Will you realize that the ones that gave you this contract have only, sincethebeginning, cared?

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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Tue Mar 26, 2019 12:02 pm
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhonix here to leave a review on your lovely poem, on this wonderful ni
Okay let's begin.

Let's start with the things that can be fixed.
Now i looked at the review @JadeLotus made, and I have to agree with her. When I was reading this, the riming was really good don't get me wrong, but like Jade said, it did feel forced, and it would be better if you worked on the little parts that need to be looked at. I'm really sorry if I'm coming across as harsh, that was not in any of my intentions.

There was another thing I saw, which you can always say i'm wrong about.
Now it was in this line.

Yet have you experienced victory, the floating kind that gives and gives and gives and

So I don't think you need so may "gives" It gets a little strange. That's all, but that's just my opinion.

Okay the next thing is also one that Jade has pointed out.

Now I was a little confused when I read this as one big word. I'm not really sure why you made it one big word. Don't you mean to say, "Since the beginning"? It's makes it a lot easier to read.
Okay so that's all the mistake I could see.

So now I will talk about the good parts.

The first thing I saw was the name to your poem, I thought it was rather a good name, for the poem you have wrote. It was the thing that made me come and read your poem, so keep that up.
I also like the idea to your poem, it was rather fun to read, and I do hope it will get to read more poems like this in the future.
I like it that you made your poem long, i like reading long poems, where I get to saver the world, and emotion you have put into your words. :D

I really liked reading your poem and I liked reviewing it for you. I do hope you will never stop writing and I will get to see more of your works out on YWS soon. Have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

manilla says...

the %u201Chives and gives and gives%u201D and the other line like that was intentional. I replied to JadeLotus%u2019s comment, clarifying the %u201Csincethebeginning%u201D.
Hope this helps.

Okay, thanks.

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188 Reviews

Points: 6116
Reviews: 188

Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:05 pm
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LadyBug wrote a review...

Hello, Jade here. I saw you posted this on your page and the title caught my attention. So here I am. This is just a short view of my thoughts.

First of all, the way you formatted this poem is beautiful and memorable. I liked the message, it's relatable and clear.
No offense, but the rhyme scheme sounds forced, maybe ditch it for more creative words that don't rhyme but sound more fitting.
I feel you kind of go off topic in the last stanza. Is that intentional or is it just me?
The flow was quite good, and you said you meant for it to be broke, so I won't comment on it.
In the last line, you wrote:

As one word. Is that intentional or an easy mistake.
Maybe read it aloud and see if any words sound better.
I love this poem, it's awesome. Keep up the good work.
-Jade <3

manilla says...

There are two alternating voices responding to each other. "sincethebeginning" was also intentional, meaning to convey one bigger, whole idea.

LadyBug says...

Huh, I see it now. *Facepalm*. That's original and I like it :)

manilla says...

I added italics to represent those voices, does that help?

LadyBug says...

Yes. It makes it clearer!

If I were a girl in a book, this would all be so easy.
— Jo March