a cup full of regret
a teabag of wanderlust
a spoon of memory
a saucer of the mind
a sugarcube of the hope you had.
-
don't drink that cup
you'll fall back
burn yourself
scald yourself
your pretty face
won't be the same.
-
don't you think
that the flavors of this tea
were unlively
and stale?
-
stir up the cup
peer back into your mind.
take out the teabag
of the dreams you had
they'll grow too strong
they'll grow too fast
don't be overwhelemed
again.
-
yes, they were beautiful
yes, we were beautiful
but please,
cut out the chances
we can't go back
-
a cup full of regret
a teabag of wanderlust
a spoon of memory
a saucer of the mind
a sugarcube of the hope you had.
-
press the sugarcube upon your tongue
revive the charisma
revive the apsiration
inspiration
congitation
-
let the cup full of regret
let the tears in it
drip off of the saucer
of your mind.
let the cup full of regret
spill onto the floor
shatter it
so we will live it
no more.
-
keep the watered-down
teabag of wanderlust.
let it take us far
farther than we imagined
-
the spoon of memory is everlasting
whether it's silver or plastic
is all your choice
you cannot bend the past
but you can change our future
-
a broken cup full of regret
a teabag of wanderlust
a spoon of memory
a saucer of the mind
a sugarcube of the hope we have.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said
Thanks for sharing this poem concerning someone who is giving advice to another person and using symbols to do so. It’s commendable to employ concrete symbols to represent ideas. So it isn’t their use that I am concerned about. It is the
appropriateness of their use. With that in mind here is my opinion:
cup = regret
The poem advises the person spoken to not to feel regret. But since it is OK to feel regret over certain mistakes then it can't be understood as an inflexible attitude to have.
https://www.britannica.com/topic/categorical-imperative
If it were, then those who committed war crimes during WWII are being advised not to feel regret. So the person being spoken to must be assumed not to have done regrettable things?
The saucer as the mind? The ingredients mentioned are found in the cup not in the saucer,. A saucer is a very small plate upon which a cup is placed. The sugarcube=hope the spoon= memory the teabag = wanderlust, are all ingredients that go into the cup and the saucer is not designed to contain them. The cup is designed to do so. So that needs to be switched around so that the cup represents the mind. In fact, the saucer can be discarded altogether since it just doesn’t fit in properly with the imagery.
teabag = wanderlust
spoon = memory
saucer = mind
sugarcube = hope
Suggestion
Always pass through a spell checker:
don't be overwhelemed [overwhelmed]
revive the apsiration [aspiration]
congitation [cogitation]
....burn yourself and scald yourself = redundant
take out the teabag.... [remove the teabag....]
A very interesting read.
Thank you for the review, Radrook. (Hahaha, I need to reread my work instead of skimming it just once.) It helps!
Hiya! Berri here for a review! ヽ( ‘ω’ )ﾉ
First off, thank you for giving the word "wanderlust" a bit of attention- it's a great word and deserves the spotlight. What with its meaning and overall sound (and the fact that it's in my username ;^) ), I think it needs a little bit more love.
I loved the way this was written. Word choice, rhythm, and the aesthetic of not using capitals was super neat to see in a poem. There was one line that really stood out to me that I loved:
I think it's really cool!
There were no huge grammatical or spelling errors or all that jazz in your poem, which was nice to see!
Anyways, that's all I have for now. Keep on writing!
Berri out! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
(and please feel free to tag me in your works!! they're awesome!)
Aww, thanks, @WanderlustStardust! And I will be sure to tag you next time
Hewo, its Jade once again writing a review for a wonderful poem.
I liked the way you worded this poem and added a lot of imagery into it.
I also loved the repitition and the way that each time you changed something in it.
The way you put all of this together is probably better than I could do. I didn't see any spelling, puncuation, or grammer mistakes.
Well done!
Thanks for your uplifting comments, Jade
Hi manilla! Cadi here, for a review.
To start off with: I really like the metaphor you're using here, and all the various images you tie in with it - starting with "a cup full of regret", and drawing in other bits of cup-related imagery. I particularly liked this bit, which I thought played with a good metaphorical concept:
In terms of areas for improvement, I think the main thing you could focus on with this piece is rhythm and flow. As it stands, you have a lot of short lines, all with very similar constructions ("an x of y", etc); it might make the poem a bit more lively if you shook that up a little, and tried to focus more on arranging the words so that their sound lends extra power to their meaning. For example, when writing about something very smooth and slithery, you might try to use more words with sibilant 's' sounds. I always recommend reading aloud when thinking about rhythm and flow, if you can, because it helps when working out how the beats and sounds of the language fall naturally.
Overall, though, nice work! You've got some great themes going on here, and I hope that if you revise this you find ways to draw them out even more.
Thanks for the review, Cadi! It helps