Hey manilla,
I love that you just claimed an imagery theme and went with it! Having all of the imagery relate back to this celestial imagery really gives the poem great continuity.
Some flow things:
"i, to us both, lied" - is really difficult to read and understand, because it's the opposite turn of how we normally say that, I get it, but I think I might change to "that i lied, to us both" -- you could even make it a parenthetical notation if you wanted it to be a bit more removed, "that i lied (to us both)".
I kind of wish that the "yet we're clumsy" was linked back to a celestial metaphor - like shooting stars or something, because it's such a casual but full line, and yet I don't quite get what you're trying to pull from it. That whole last stanza is actually a hard sentence to follow, paraphrased it says, "we're clumsy, see where i write him in memoirs to recollect my dreams and then denied" <- I don't get what the "and then denied" is referring to. I'm guessing the dreams, but there is no subject following to clarify it.
In stanza 1 you throw the reference to shame in there, which is a really strong emotion, but it doesn't seem explored or to quite fit. Unfulfilled dreams, lies, and breaking of a facade might tie into shame, but I think there could be a few more narrative threads tied in there. Just the combo of that third line about how shameful the speaker feels compared to their great love for the subject is a really strange dissonance, that ends up being distracting if the two aren't connected - like the poem is trying to tell two stories at the same time.
This is a small critique, but I think that words with diacritical marks sometimes make a reader pause because they have to re-think how to pronounce the word in their head a bit longer, it's almost akin to having an extra comma - so to have two words "cliche" and "facade" which both require the diacritical marks in the same stanza seemed a little odd - like they both aren't very common words so to use them both in one poem gave me extra pause. I don't know if it'd be a big enough issue to take one out, but I think that considering how words are pronounced and how little spelling and punctuation differences can trip up a reader are something important to consider in poetry (especially in pieces that are very short).
Overall, this was a poem that seemed unafraid to be a bit cliche with the title - already comparing the relationship to the universe, but you really played with the imagery in a fun unique way that made the poem not just a surface level emotional reflection, but a nice poetic explanation that has interpretative depth. Thanks for sharing, let me know if you had any questions about my review.
~alliyah
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