The wretched second hand
Moves to the right
No matter what I do
I can't turn it left
I'm running out of time
This time I must see you
-
Fingers trembling, I sit
Unknowingly, I glance
To the world I once lived in
To the world I once loved in
To the world I can't return to
No matter how hard I try.
-
The hawk approaches from behind me
Questioning my move
I tell the hawk I'm sorry
It won't happen again
But the hawk doesn't move on
The hawk yearns for my truth.
-
Nostalgia
Nostalgia
My one and only friend
It keeps me awake
To the ungodly hours of the morning
Thoughts streaming through my head
Of a person I once loved
Of a person I never saw
The feeling was more pained than before.
-
My name is Yin
I'm looking for my Yang
Please return to me
Will you want me back?
I'm tired of hearing
All the lies that I've said
All the lies that drown out
My inner belief that you are no devil
I am the devil for letting love going to waste.
-
Fake it until you make it
Make it until you break it
Break it until you end up
Where I am right now
-
When Yang was there
The hawk wasn't
It was as if you replaced each other
-
You were beautiful
You lived in that paradise
That hell
That "place"
Until we stumbled upon
Our lowly presences
Our thoughts spilled out
And soon, we became one.
-
I didn't realize
You didn't realize
That we made a deadly mistake
The impossibility of reality lingered
We knew there'd be an end
To our days.
Everything good passed by so fast
Why could I not have it again?
-
The hawk circled our hunting lands
The hawk watched us eat prey
The hawk tore the tears out of me
The hawk took you away
-
All the memories tainted
All the fun times stained
As I cried for your solace
You just slipped away
-
I died for you
But did you die for me?
The hawk forbade us from speaking
And my consciousness did the rest
-
I slipped faster than you did from me
Unromantically
I told myself I'd never forgive that hawk
That bird who lived to die
-
Now, my name is Yin
I am still looking for my Yang
Please return them to me
I'm running out of time
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Thanks for sharing this intensely emotional poem about a person, whether a persona or the author, who feels extremely forlorn because a significant other she compares to the concept of yang has left her making her feel incomplete.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yin_and_yang
I like the very dramatic way that the poem begins by describing the inexorable passage of time and the speaker’s inability to detain it. It creates drama by introducing conflict between the speaker and the passage of time. Why is time lacking? Why does he need more time for? Who will win in the long run? All these unknowns create a mystery which the reader expects will be answered after having read the poem.
The poem conveys the extreme urgency of the speaker and the anguish that is being felt in many diverse ways. Time is described as running short. Why? We aren’t told. It could be aging. It could be many other factors which are making time crucial. It then introduces a “you”. Tells us of an inability to return to a situation in which she felt loved. Describes trembling fingers.
A hawk is introduced and described as opposing her efforts at reconciliation.
This need not be seen as a negative interference according to the symboogy associated with the hawk.
http://divinesparks.blogspot.com/2008/0 ... olism.html
She feels her hawk deserves an apology. That it yearns for her truth.
She describes nostalgia as her only friend. Yet it causes her pain and insomnia because of someone loved but never seen. She exonerates the beloved person and blames herself.
Again describes herself as Yin and her lost love as her yang. Begs for his return. Says that the hawk appeared after yang left. Tells us it was all a mistake. Compares their relationship having been both hell and paradise without explaining why.
After telling us that the hawk was not present when they had been together, the hawk is then described as having been present and having been the cause for their separation. The hawk, and what it represents, gets several more accusations of being responsible before the poem ends.
Suggestions
A contradiction needs to be resolved:
[When Yang was there
The hawk wasn't
It was as if you replaced each other]
Seriously contradicts:
[The hawk circled our hunting lands
The hawk watched us eat prey
The hawk tore the tears out of me
The hawk took you away]
So she had listened to the hawk’s advice and it was definitely present.
Contradictions only serve to confuse the reader. Once a fact is stated, the reader assumes he has been told the truth. If it is revealed to have been a lie later, then the reader really has no incentive to continue listening. So that technique should be avoided.
The poem finishes by requesting that her yang be returned. Strangely, she refers to it as ”them”which goes completely contrary to how the rest of the poem had described the yang.
Capitalization of the letter of words beginning the first line doesn’t help the flow.
All in all a very interesting read. Look forward to reading more of your work.
BTW
What does it mean that the hawk lived to die?
Thanks, Radrook. This helped.
When I said the hawk lived to die, I was getting at yin's implied vengeance,
This isn't a review really but nontheless-I loved this. I can't find anything even remotley wrong with this. It has a very deep feel to it.
I hope you posting things like this. Who knows maybe someone will find the problems I missed but you can always refer to this if you need cheering.
hope this made your day!
This made me happy