Real Magic

This is a really beautiful poem. It made me smile and I understood the theme. The flow was really good. The way you described the "real magic" was great. We often forget the magic which is happening all around us, everyday.
"I believe that the first time you've truly fallen in love
will always live in your heart,
untarnished,
beloved,
magical.
I believe."
I especially liked this because there is no magic greater than your first true love. Fantastic job you have done here. Keep writing and best wishes

Mornin’, CR.

This is cute. I think that’s the best way I can put it, but it made me smile, and that means it made me feel something, which is the ultimate goal of poetry, I think. While I think it can be more efficient, I do think you’ve done things quite well here for what you have. Anyway, I haven’t read any of the other reviews, so pardon me if I reiterate what they’ve said.

Your first stanza is quite a flow nightmare. There doesn’t seem to be an intention about it, just haphazard line breaks where you felt like them. Pay attention to your first few lines particularly, as those are the first to hit a reader in the chest. If you don’t hook them or affect them, you’ve lost them. I’m typically not a fan of starting with a question, but I suppose you’ve done that well here, so I won’t bark too much. It’s the way you choppily answer your own question that bothers me, so attempt to smooth over your syntax for this first stanza particularly.

And then you enter stanza two, which is essentially a pre-chorus to the remainder of the “I believe (x70)” of the body of the poem. However, I don’t really like this stanza, save line two. There’s just something cute about line two that I like. Since I see this as a pre-chorus, I think it should more smoothly transition into the rest of the body. Attempt to do this with the third and fourth lines—I think you may’ve gotten a bit too dark compared to the rest of the poem.

When you hit the ‘chorus’ as I’ll call it, I immediately started thinking of “Theee sun’ll come out tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun!” from Annie. It amused me quite a bit, but then the daytime imagery flopped over to nighttime, then nature, then clouds—and then in the next stanza we cut the imagery and hit more untouchable things like hope and love and cherishing. I actually think this is a good transition because it seems to build upon a natural progression: “first comes nature, then comes emotion”. That sort of thing.

The next stanza gets a bit heavy for me—we get into philosophy and world view, though I’m unsure if this progression was intentional. It’s still natural and builds like a typical anthem, but you get awfully close to all the cliché topics in poetry here, and it’s massively disappointing that you’d let that happen. Try to re-work this area. Try and see if you can make it original. Also, the note about things being cliché vaguely applies to the other pieces of the poem as well, though I don’t’ think quite as strongly.

Honestly? I’d cut out the last two stanzas. Look at how well the philosophy stanza ended your poem—but then you went and reigned that power back in with a “concluding paragraph” ending that just made me dislike the piece. End with a bang.

Let me know if you have any comments or questions.

-Lumi

I do believe in magic, for example- this poem is magical

I believe that this poem is amazing
I believe you truly touched my soul
I believe this poem is worthy
and that apple will sue us all
(just kidding- but they're not gonna be happy, that's for sure)

Anyway, at some point it was a bit of a drag, and it was a bit of a cliche, but on the other hand, the reason cliches are cliches- is because they work.

So yes, I do believe in magic,
the magic of talented poets- like you
SubjectBlue

Hello. The only thing in the Entire piece that could be changed is as follows:

I believe that the sun will arrive tomorrow.
I believe that the stars will glisten tonight.
I believe that plants will ever spiral skyward
And that immense clouds will float naturally.

I believe that time will lessen searing pain.
I believe that love will always find a way.
I believe that hope will always pierce the heart of the hopeless.
I believe that the weak will find their inner strength and break free.

I believe that the sun will arrive tomorrow,
That the stars will glisten tonight.
I believe that plants will ever spiral skyward
And that immense clouds will float naturally.

I believe that time will lessen searing pain,
That love will always find a way.
I believe that hope will always pierce the heart of the hopeless,
And that the weak will find their inner strength and break free.

It was beautiful in its rhythm and wording. I liked your way of explaining that fairytale magic doesnt exist but the magic of nature does. It was a great description of ways that the earth is magical. It gave a happy feel. It made me feel better.

What a beautiful peom! I really liked reading it and love the meaning behind each and every single word.

I believe that the sun will arrive tomorrow.
I believe that the stars will glisten tonight.
I believe that plants will ever spiral skyward
And that immense clouds will float naturally.

I believe that time will lessen searing pain.
I believe that love will always find a way.
I believe that hope will always pierce the heart of the hopeless.
I believe that the weak will find their inner strength and break free.

I totally love this poem..Great work....Could really understand exactly what it conveys...Although to me...I may be stupid but instead of repeating the "I believe" in third and fourth stanza like this..

I believe that the sun will arrive tomorrow.
I believe that the stars will glisten tonight.
I believe that plants will ever spiral skyward
And that immense clouds will float naturally.

I believe that time will lessen searing pain.
I believe that love will always find a way.
I believe that hope will always pierce the heart of the hopeless.
I believe that the weak will find their inner strength and break free.

I believe
The sun will arrive tomorrow.
The stars will glisten tonight.
Plants will ever spiral skyward
And that immense clouds will float naturally.

I believe
Time will lessen searing pain.
Love will always find a way.
Hope will always pierce the heart of the hopeless.
The weak will find their inner strength and break free.