Hollow, wailing cries, writhing in the streets,
chilling the hearts of those who hear them.
Never has fear been so fervently present
as it is on the tongues of the monsters tonight.
Windows are boarded against the threat
that prowls the cobblestoned alleys;
fear strangles strength like a demonic serpent,
convincing the afraid that they'll never breathe again.
Glittering possession glares from haunted eyes
as they scourge the walls of the houses.
If only they could get at the fearful inside,
then the entire world would burst into pieces.
Eyes of molten fire, slashing claws, dripping fangs:
the beasts are a sight that freezes the soul.
They dare those inside to come out and face them,
to plunge through their hearts a dagger of death.
"Come and get us," they hiss through yellowed fangs,
Deny us our power and you will fall in an instant.
We are the darkness that shadows your world.
We are the demons you will never defeat."
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,407 Literary Works • 672,552 Reviews
Overall this poem had the great strength of pervasive imagery. Indeed when writing about a dream, we sometimes remember vividly every sense that 'existed' during that dream. I would like to make some structural recommendations to you regarding the way in which you build your lines. It stood out to me that the poem was repetitive in the way it described things. Typically there was a noun to begin the line and this was followed by a descriptive word, usually occurring about twice in each stanza. For example "Glittering possession glares from haunted eyes" and "Eyes of molten fire, slashing claws, dripping fangs". While many people may not notice this parallel structure, it is a habit many poets have and it can be limiting to the overall feel of the writing. Starting lines with nouns or descriptive words can lead to awkward disjointment of flow when reading the poem and this is why I think you may want to look at that concept for future writing.
Otherwise, this piece really stood out as a great expression of a dream
Really dark, for some reason when i read this part "Lullaby by The Cure" came to mind I have no idea why!
The imagery in this poem is amazing, I like the fact that you were able to create a poem based off a dream as well. Although, I do think you should play around with the formatting of the poem. Maybe a different form will make the imagert in your poem even more profound.
This is what I call "poetry." You have engage imagery in every line, which I like it the most, and you simply embrace the rhymic tone and an incredible feeling. I must say this is the best poem I've ever read in YWS.
Hi there!
This is a great poem. I was reading through this and I was going to quote my favorite part, but I couldn't find one specific part to quote! I love it! There's amazing imagery in this. I could see everything you were describing. You never let up either. You kept going through, pounding the imagery into this poem. I think you used imagery in almost every line. Good job! There's a lot of emotion in this too, keeping the reader locked into the poem.
Overall I really, really enjoyed this. Keep writing!