Sidewalks of shadows beneath black streetlamps.
A bright icy moon amidst whirling grey clouds.
Slithering somethings that writhe in the nighttime,
and tortured lost ghosts that are mourning out loud.
Footsteps that patter and stomp as I run,
and damp hands that reach for my neck as I flee.
A broken alarm clock that sits on my desk,
and fails to remove me from dreams that scare me.
Gaping grey windows with broken-glass fangs,
and stairwells that trip me and throw me through space.
Closet doors opening and closing in darkness
and the horrible creatures against which I race.
The silvery gleam of moonlight upon knives,
and small lifeless objects that move by themselves.
Orange eyes that glimmer and red ones that shimmer,
and things that fly suddenly off of the shelves.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,402 Literary Works • 672,552 Reviews
This poem, I think, is very straightforward: these are things that scare you. Or not necessarily you, but whoever the speaker of the poem is. That's how I understood it, anyway.
That being said, the strongest thing about this piece is the rhythm, at least in the first stanza. It has very lilting feel to it, especially when read out loud, which I liked a great deal. In fact, the first part of the poem reminded me a great deal of the song "My favorite things" from the The Sound of Music.
However, in the second stanza, there were a few lines that threw the rhythm off. For example,
"The silvery gleam of moonlight upon knives,"
would probably work better as
"The silvery gleam of moonlight on knives,"
because the "upon" adds an unneeded and potentially distracting syllable.
Other than that, however, this poem was great! Keep on writing!
~Reddy
This is a very good piece of work, very descriptive. What I would advise is maybe giving a little more detail on a theme. I didn't really understand what this poem was about, and I still don't. I don't usually like poems, but this one seemed to get me, I don't know why. Keep writing.