I love him now, and I always will
'til the day I die and my spirit fails,
til' the sun fades grey and the birds are gone
and the beaches white are clean and calm.
I loved him then, but I went and denied it.
Now my body's broken and I'm trapped inside it.
And I'm stuck sortin' through ancient Polaroids
of an far away time, just me and that boy.
I want to hold him here, hold him now,
but it's not my choice 'cause my chance's skipped out.
And I feel like an ancient caught in a shell
of a young girl's body. It's a beautiful hell.
When all my time's gone and I look back
on my quiet wedding and my first time laughin',
I want to smile and feel him by my side
as I rise with the kites and blend with the sky.
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139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
A really beautiful poem, you capture the emotions so well
I read over your poem and i just had to say the imagery of a young girls body being a beautiful hell is spot on. Ridiculously spot on. As far as the rest of the poem I like that you didn't go for the rhyming; it's risky-er and I like it. I like your use of slant rhyme, between words like gone and calm.
The line
"of an faraway time, just me and that boy."
As a reader I feel like there should be one more word there(at the end), problem is I don't know what..
Last stanza is a little shaky for me, it does wrap everything up nicely but some of the wording throwing me off; which is a simple fix just play around with the small word you have- the expendable ones, then read it out loud and see how it flows!
Other than that, sorry to cut it short; it's time for bed! Good Job, Keep on writing
-Bryn
Really good poem! But i think in the second stanza you meant "*a* far away..not "*an* far away" ..but other than that it's really good!