It is miniscule.
It isn't deep enough
to harbor infection,
release a scarlet deluge,
or carve an indelible white line.
It is insignificant, really.
Even the pain that belongs to it is petty.
More sting than stab,
and even that is not constant.
That is only when her shirt sleeves
brush against her bruises,
or the bracelets she wears to hide them
shift a little too quickly.
Even if someone noticed it, it is likely
that they wouldn't bother to ask about it.
They would think
her cat must've scratched her
or they might not think at all.
Only she knows the secret behind the scratch
that is not a scratch at all.
Only she remembers
lamplight glinting on steel
and a brief moment of nervous uncertainty,
before skin surrendered.
She flinches when it itches
because she is afraid in her bones.
She is not afraid
that she will make another scratch
(even though maybe she will)
or that someone will read into the one that exists
(because all of the words are there,
only they haven't been unscrambled yet).
She is afraid that the line on her wrist
is not a consequence of the outside world
writing razor words on her skin.
She is afraid that maybe
the line has been written from the inside out,
and that maybe it is the first sentence of a story
she doesn't know the end to.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,407 Literary Works • 672,552 Reviews
Hmm... I can't truly say that I can see many thing to critique... In my personal opinion, the language is somewhat too informal (I would have written "It is insignificant, *truly*"), but that's just me. But it certainly is interesting... I personally have almost no experience with self-harm, and it's a topic I have avoided in the past, and still will, but the poem certainly gives me a small glimpse into the mind of the girl described. Anyhow, have fun creating! Sorry for the lousy review <.>
Hi creativityrules!
I really enjoyed this poem! I like how you take the subject matter - someone cutting themselves - and present it in a way very unlike how cutting tends to be presented in fiction or poetry (at least that I've encountered). The emotions feel very real, and I like that we see her worries delving below the issue of cutting and to her own mental and emotional issues. She recognizes that there is a greater problem at hand.
The only big issues I have with the poem are concerns with construction. For example:
We see this set up - one line followed by a longer stanza - twice in the beginning of the poem, yet it disappears throughout the rest of the poem. I'm not one to feel that a poem has to be so strictly one format (i.e. all stanzas have to be exactly the same number of lines of exactly the same length) but I do feel that when you're working with a particular set up it should be consistent throughout the poem.
Especially something like this, with a standalone line leading into a longer stanza, it creates a certain kind of feeling for a reader. When it doesn't continue, it can create conflicting feelings in the reading that go against what you're trying to do with the poem (If that makes any sense at all xD).
What I would suggest is to either push those stanzas in this pattern together to create full stanzas, or to make it so the same set up is used at the beginning and the end of the poem. So, like, the last "stanza" would have the same one line followed by a more regular stanza pattern.
The only other problem I had was with these lines:
I don't know why, but it just doesn't fit right with me. Maybe it's because it's so specific? And something like "They would think / she must have scratched herself" would work better? I don't know, it's up to you in the end. It just sits weird for me xD
And that's it! Overall I think it's a really good poem! I especially liked the last few lines, and how ominous and hopeless it feels (which is very fitting for someone in this emotional situation!).
Keep writing!
-Lauren-
Thanks, Lauren! I'll definitely take your input into consideration.