Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
I watch your fingers encircle around my neck,
my eyelids closing and opening,
All at your beck and call.
Tell me how I can be rid of your influence,
Your memories,
Because I have found someone far better than you,
far kinder than you.
But I cannot forget those nights,
I cannot forget those midnight breakdowns,
I cannot forget that night you called me.
"Why are you so nice to me?"
Why?
I do not have a reason,
And all I can ask is who hurt you that badly?
So badly that you now feel the need to fuck with my life.
You stuck yourself inside my heart and made yourself a home,
and I'm telling you now,
I would rather have you cut out on the operating table,
I would rather you switch schools and neighborhoods,
So I never have to think about you again,
or pass by you again.
You are the cancer in my veins and these memories keep multiplying,
they keep producing through mitosis and making me terminally ill.
A cough stays for days and renders me stagnant.
Please,
it is time for me to move on.
Sign this form,
relinquish my hollow head to someone different.
And don't take this the wrong way,
I do not love you,
nor do I wish to hold you again.
All I ask,
all I ask is for you to let this soft body live somewhere else,
somewhere with actual emotion and hold,
with someone who will never let this damned hand go cold.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey!
Sorry this is so short but I read this and wanted to say a few things. The first thing is that I feel like when you swore in this poem it kinda ruined the mood and disturbed the flow. I don't take offence to bad language but I'm not used to seeing it in poetry. I just wanted to say my honest opinion. I really relate to this poem but there were bits where I was confused. I'm was confused whether it's the narrator that's hurting the person, the person that's hurting the narrator or both.
Again sorry this review was so short,
Alice ♥
Wow. This piece was so deeply moving. I truly hope this isn't written from experience, as I've been through something like it and would never wish it upon anyone else. The raw emotion you've put into this poem is astounding, and I praise you highly for it.
Happy writing, and I hope this helps!
I do have a few suggestions. In some places, you get a tad too wordy, and it takes away from the emotional experience. For example, the phrase "they keep producing through mitosis and making me terminally ill." While the term "mitosis" is one not commonly used, and using it is admirable, I feel that the technical term in the phrase takes away from the emotion itself. The same can be said for a few other lines, but I wish not to nit-pick at your phrasing, as it is all based on your personal preferences. Also, be careful when using repetition. Some is tasteful, but too much becomes tedious.
Overall, this poem gets high praise from me