She built herself a pair of wings,
Silver cog-work,
All the bells and whistles,
So she could join the angels in the sky.
Yet the angels were vengeful the day she flew,
Ripped asunder her hard work and craft,
"God forbid if she joined as well!" Humphed one of the archangels.
Stretching out their golden feathers,
Six wings of glory she had counted,
They flew higher.
She worked, worked, and worked.
"Gold framework, maybe?" This time, she thought.
Yet she dashed it away.
"Be damned, self-help! Hear my plea, Please god, grant me my wish!"
Her fist shook high,
A wrench in one hand,
A bent cross in the other.
"Hard work, hard work, was what I was taught, yet look at what this work has brought!"
The angels laughed,
Mocking her work down into purgatory.
Who was she to join the almighty?
"Surely none can make it with homemade purity!" twinkled they, who had been born from the wing.
She covered her face in oil, rubbing at it all day.
She thought and thought,
"I'll make those haughty angels sing hymns about me."
Surely, she will join them one day.
That night, her head buried into a pillow, she thought,
"What will they do after I've reached them? Will they just destroy my wings again?"
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey there babydollblues. It is just I, lizzy stopping by for a quick review. Let me just start out by saying the first thing that came to mind after I finished reading. Wow! There is no better way than this, that I can think of, to describe your poem. I'll try to save the rest of my praise until the end, so without further ado, let the reviewing begin.
Grammar and Spelling
I always try to start with grammar and spelling just so that I can get it out of the way. I am not the best authority on grammar and spelling but I will certainly try my best. As I skimmed through for the third or fourth time, I still could not find any mistakes. Great job on that point.
Content
Now that we are onto the fun part there is one line that I need clarification on.
I do not exactly understand the point you are trying to get across. At first I thought you might have meant Locking, but then I read the other reviews. If you would please clarify this line, I would be grateful.
The poem, though dealing with the supernatural, can be easily related back to real life. Trying to go forth with life and bullies trying to hold you in one place.
Well, I don't think I have anything else for this review. Overall I loved your poem, probably because I am a Supernatural fan.
Happy Review Day!
-lizzy
Mocking her work down into purgatory means that they've upset the narrator so much, that her work has gone to a standstill. Purgatory is traditionally a place where spirits go to wait before they go to heaven or hell and some could be there for forever.
Hello there, I'm here to review.
First of all, I'd like to say that that was a very good poem. I really liked the story behind it and it is very well-told, the flow reminds me of a nursery rhyme, but the content tells me otherwise. The only question I ask myself is, what happens next? But really, very good poem and it is basically perfect, just a couple of things I would like to point out.
The that in that sentence bothers me a bit. I think it would sound better if it were: the day she flew, or even the day that she flew, but for some reason the way it is now doesn't sound very good to me. Of course, this is only my opinion, and you may disagree.
Then, the only other thing I have to say is that you should either capitalize every beginning of sentence or none. This was probably a mistake, but it should be:
You may have simply forgotten it, but it is the only starting word of a verse that is not capitalized, and I think it should be.
Apart from that, I really have nothing to say that could make this better, I really like it.
Keep writing and I am looking forward to reading more of your works!
I agree with you on all accounts and I just fixed it! Thank you for reviewing! (I did forget to capitalize the M, shhh)
It is my pleasure.
Wow! I really like this poem! The main character was well developed and interesting, it seemed like a person I might become friends with, very relatable. Furthermore, the whole situation is relatable, in a way. I think most of us have tried hard to become something new, only to be struck down by others who believe we are worth nothing, that our dreams are worth nothing. I really liked this part of the poem. The end also really caught my attention, it is heartbreaking an true, I really liked it.
The only thing that I wasn't crazy about with this poem was the flow. There really wasn't much of a rhythm. I understand that this would be a hard thing to add now that your poem is all written out, but I encourage you to add more rhythm to future poems.
Anyways, good job, and keep up the good work!