I wish I was a gentle soul;
A good ol' gal.
But after all these things,
How could I be?
I guess you could label me a concrete rose;
I've grown from nothing
but I still got thorns
and I still hurt anyone who dares to take hold.
Not everythin's gotta be pretty;
someone has to be rough,
otherwise there'd be a whole lot of fools,
and a lot of people aimin' to hurt 'em.
Yeah, I've got a lot of problems;
These small hands are meant to break things,
So please don't get so close,
Don't be so quick to love.
I know you want to teach me gentle ways;
but please know all this is incredibly uncomfortable,
and I'd rather be treated unkindly,
than called all these sickly sweet names.
I've got a lot of heart;
I've got a lot of love too,
but sometimes when I really need it,
it doesn't want to show.
You've got to understand;
I'm real rough around the edges,
gotta lot of wear and tear,
I'm not used to lovin' blindly.
And I'll refuse to, if I have to be honest;
I stop my heart from being fully in it,
there's nothing wrong with you,
it's just hard to love you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
I enjoyed this. The emotion is beautiful and I feel the message is very strong. I think the format is great and it goes well with what you are saying. I think everyone feels like this at some point in their lives and you have captured the feeling beautifully. You are a good writer and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
I'm going to be honest, this gave me some feels.
This is beautiful.
I love the format and how it stays consistent throughout the poem.
The metaphor is on point (pun intended).
I just really like this, and I usually don't like poetry or romance!
Even though there's no characters specifically shown, I still am able to imagine someone saying or writing this to someone, and that's pretty amazing.
In all, I think this is a nice, thought-provoking poem, and I think you should keep it up!
woops
Hi there babydollblues! Niteowl here to review this poem!
To start off on a positive note, I think you have a strong voice throughout this piece. I mostly enjoyed reading this out loud, which to me is a key part of an enjoyable poem. Now I'll go through the whole piece.
The first stanza is, in my opinion, not the strongest. I like the concrete rose metaphor better, so maybe that would be a stronger opener. I'm not sure if the first stanza would fit better somewhere else in the poem or cut out altogether.
The second line here is one of the few places where I felt tripped up when I read it out loud. I think it's the long word "purposeful" that's messing me up. Maybe you could rephrase the idea more simply, like "and a lot of people aimin' to hurt them".
The second line here is again a spot where I lose the flow a bit. I think the weaker spots in this piece are where we lose the speaker's voice. I wonder if you couldn't say this in a more interesting way, like "but gentle doesn't exist in my world."
As far as endings go, I prefer the second-to-last stanza over the last stanza. I don't feel like the last stanza really adds much. It just summarizes in a pretty tell-y way what the rest of the poem has already shown us.
Overall, I like the voice of this piece, but there are a few spots I think it could be stronger. Keep writing!