Being akin to human

Hey, babydoll! clogs here for a Review Day review!

First bit of advice: Maybe think about putting this into stanzas. It might help with organization of your thoughts a bit.

Here are some things that didn't quite sound right to me:

Your puppet like joints twist,

Contorting in a sinful nature.

First of all, I think you mean "puppet-like". Second of all, I don't really understand how it's possible to contort something in a sinful nature. Like, what's sinful about the contorting. These lines also bother me because the "puppet-like" part sets up an expectation for a puppet metaphor in the poem, as if the person is being controlled by another person, but it's never brought up again.

You disgust me,

My skin breaks out in hives,

Just from looking at your entitlement,

This part delves into melodrama a bit. It's a little bit unintentionally funny, because it's obviously supposed to be figurative, but it gives me this mental image of somebody spontaneously breaking into hives. I recommend removing that.

"I am everything,"

That maybe true,

You are not important,

These two lines contradict each other. The first one makes it seem like you're talking to a person who is important, but not humble about it, but the second one makes it seem like you're talking to just a random arrogant person. What was the point of saying "that may be true" if the rest of the poem is about why it's not true?

I think that my least favorite thing about this poem is the rhyming. It wasn't necessary. I felt like a lot of times, you were trying to contort words to fit the rhyme scheme, so it came across as really forced and unnatural. It also didn't help that the rhyme scheme was practically nonexistent- it was basically just random words rhyming whenever you felt like it.

A prime example of this problem is the line with the hives. Why did you put hives there? To rhyme with lives. However, in doing that, you created melodrama that came out of nowhere and took away from your poem. Rhyming poetry isn't just about throwing rhymes together. Everything should sound natural. You shouldn't have to contort other words just to get rhymes in. So the bottom line is, I'd like to see what you could do with free verse, because it seems like that's what this poem is meant to be.

You keep telling us that the person in this poem is "narcissistic" and "entitled", but you never give the reader any examples of these things. Right now, I don't really have any grounds to hate the person except for what you've told me about them. How about giving some examples of these attitudes and telling us just why it infuriates you so much?

Love is pure,

But not the love you're looking for.

I did like this (minus the rhymes), because of how it implied that the person in this poem is covered in self-love, rather than selfless love for another person. It was a pretty nifty end to the poem.

I think the imagery could be a little stronger in general. A lot of this is pretty generic, and you do a lot of telling instead of showing. For example, instead of saying "you disgust me", you could say something like, "bile climbs up my throat" or something to show the reader that the disgust is there, instead of just telling us outright. It would make your poem more vivid and interesting to read. Here's a link about imagery that will go more into detail for you:

Imagery

Overall, I think this poem did bring a really interesting message to the table. It was a good observation on humanity, but I feel like you could do a better job of portraying it. Keep on writing, and happy Review Day!