Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Alleyways with hidden shops.
Maybe we can sell our souls and descend,
Hell is where we belong anyway.
Because our love is forbidden in the eyes of the ones who worship our own god.
Seedy hotels are our churches, our sanctums,
Your lingerie is my bible.
I tell myself this but really, who am I?
Am I truly an abomination?
Sent to hell all because I loved someone with all my heart who just happens to have the same parts?
You tell me I'm okay as you rest your hand upon mine and I recoil because I am scared.
Hell is hell, baby and to be told I am a demon hurts.
I want to, I really do, but now I am no longer a person.
I am a monster and so are you,
But you are the most beautiful and loving monster I have ever laid eyes upon.
I want to sing hymns and share my worries but I'm not sure I should believe in the almighty.
You pressed your forehead against mine and kissed my tears away, saying.
"oh, baby, oh, please just go to bed."
You said,
"God is loving and you are kind, see the way and please be mine."
But still, I am hesitant to so much as even say the word love to you.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey there! AnimeGirl here!
Lets start this review with what I would personally change about it, even though its really good.
Though it is an amazing poem and I can relate to it, I felt like the lines could be broken up more. Like not necessarily changing the lines just moving them to make them look shorter but then again I just like the look of it being more neater. That's just me though.
I liked the stanzas and I liked how much I can relate to this one, I can understand what was going on and how the person felt. This has to be one of my favorites and I really don't have much to say about it other than it was good and the thing that I personally would change. Thank you for sharing this with YWS! Hope to read more from you, Bye now!
~AnimeGirl
Hi there
You have an amazing presentation style. Slowly beginning with the idea of hell. Then going on to tell the percieved reason for being different and finally showing hope in the eyes of the beloved. It is beautifully written.
It has depth and the story within is woven just right.
some of the lines could have been split.
Yet it rings true and you have successfully captured the heart, the ache and the truth.
All the best.
Keep writing.